As always, re-read these predictions to the interrupting noise of a laugh track.
"I think this is the year of the Dolphins in the
AFC East," ESPN's Jon Gruden said. "I saw them manhandle New England last year in the opening game. I think Ryan Tannehill is coming into his own.
Joe Philbin has been there four years. They've added
Ndamukong Suh on defense. They can close you out if they get a lead …
Ha-ha-ha-ha! He's the expert?
"The Dolphins may finally dethrone the
Patriots in the AFC East," the Harvard Sports Analysis Collective said, "boasting the third-highest probability of playing into January, 15 percentage points above defending-champion New England …"
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Send your kid to Yale?
"We've played the season 50,000 times on our computers," said the Internet site, the predictionmachine.com, "and the Dolphins will average 25.9 points a game and make the playoffs …"
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Garbage in, Dolphins out.
Or, as we toast the Dolphins as another New Year's Eve approaches: Out with the old, in with the old. There's an Auld Lang Syne cycle for years now about this team: Spring optimism, September reality, December burial — and laughs of our naiveté.
Wrote Sports Illustrated: "The Dolphins will come close and may be a year away from a serious postseason run …"
Ha-ha-ha ! Cancel my subscription!
Wrote MMQB's Peter King: "Wild-card playoff teams: Denver, Miami …"
Ha-ha-ha! Cancel my subscription!
Wrote Sun Sentinel's Dave Hyde: "They're going 10-6 and to the playoffs …"
Ha-ha-ha! Cancel my … wait. Is it too late for a career as a smiling weatherman predicting sunny weather and then it rains on your home and no one notices?
In the six weeks before the season opener, Facebook gauged Dolphins fans were second to
Kansas City Chiefs fans as the most optimistic on the season based on the "like" clicks on team pages. Can someone invent an "unlike" button?
Still, it doesn't matter much what Gruden or Harvard or Facebook thinks in August. What matters is how the Dolphins' brain trust saw this season. How did they measure this roster's strengths and weaknesses? What did they consider realistic this season?
"There's three championships right now that are out there: There's the AFC East, there's the
AFC and there's the
NFL championship," Joe Philbin said as Dolphins coach in July. "So nothing's been decided. I can honestly tell you sitting here we've had a couple of clunkers in three years.
"But we haven't had a ton of clunkers where we just got manhandled from start to finish. So I've gone into every game thinking we're going to win every game."
Now he's out as coach and no one thinks the Dolphins will win any game. Well, that's not true. They could win Sunday. Indianapolis has been as bad this year as the Dolphins.
The
Colts have been worse, at least from the viewpoint of that notable predictionmachine.com. It had the Dolphins simply making the playoffs. But the Colts? It had them losing the Super Bowl to Green Bay.
"It'll be Green Bay, 31-28 …"
Ha-ha-ha!
That's little consolation to Dolphins fans, though. There was such hope in August. But the only thing predictably worse than the season is the predictions of it.
