Brian,
I’ve been reading Sun Sentinel dolphins articles for a long time. I like Ethan Skolnick and have corresponded with him on numerous occasions. I have also generally approved of Alex Marvez.
However, I saw the recent reviews by high school football coaches Rick Swain and Charles Hafley, and I just have to say that I may know LESS about football after having read them. The articles possess a genuinely stupefying effect. They were both crammed with the Captain Obvious Madden-esque observations that have you slapping your forehead in frustration. At the moment, I would imagine a palm reader could read my future without asking me to put out my hands.
I approve of the general idea, actually; having guys in the “football know†give reviews of the game in order to give the public some rare insights into knowledgeable football evaluation. I often feel that local sports reporting lacks actual football knowledge along with the willingness and ability to break down game tape in order to do in-depth analysis of certain aspects of the team. That would require someone who was very knowledgeable about football, with the capability of putting together cogent thoughts, and with a feel for the public interest. Pretty rare is the lad that is cut out for such deeds.
The Swain/Hafley drivel was so perverted an attempt to accomplish this that it nearly drew me into a bloody red berserker rage, Ray Lewis style.
Here are some of the greatest hits:
“If Miami wants to use the short passing game, as they did early on, they need to run the ball better. They were in third-and-long too many times.â€Â
-Rick Swain on the Dolphins (Thanks for the insight John Madd-, err Captain Obvious.)
“In the end they went to a zone blitz instead of the man coverage, and the robber intercepted the pass.â€Â
-Rick Swain on the Dolphins (Didn’t Lance Schulters just get done explaining for us in-depth how during the play in which he intercepted the ball, he had been designated as man coverage on the tight end? The tight end blocked, leaving him to double-team Colbert, which put him in position to intercept the ball. I believe Mr. Swain needs to retreat to his copy of Madden 2006 and remember the subtle difference between the red lines and the yellow ovals…)
“They ran the ball well… They ran first with misdirection to set up the short passing game. Most of the time it did work.â€Â
-Charles Hafley on the Panthers (Excuse me? Would you like to run that one by me again? Stephen Davis, Deshaun Foster, and Steve Smith combined for 61 yards on 26 carries and this constitutes running the ball “well� Their longest run took them 9 yards, and they gained 4 or more yards a mere 9 times. At least last week, against the Jets, you could say that the Jets ran the ball well on the three drives in which they plowed deep into Dolphins territory. This week, the Panthers ran a total of 8 times for 17 yards on all four of the Panthers scoring drives).
“I wasn't impressed with the Panthers' offensive line because of no 100-yard rushing game.â€Â
-Charles Hafley on the Panthers (First off, contradict much? Second, way to get real in-depth on that one. “I’m not impressed with the Dolphins because of no super bowl trophy.†Yeah, ok. Thanks.)
“The defense gave up a 100-yard runner. They gave up too many runs over 5 yards; too many big plays over 15 yards.â€Â
-Charles Hafley on the Panthers (No, thank YOU Captain Obvious. Real thumbs up on that one).
“One mistake [the interception] was the difference between a touchdown and a field goal.â€Â
-Charles Hafley on the Panthers (Come again? Were you watching the wrong game? One mistake [the interception] was the difference between a game winning field goal by the Panthers and a game winning field goal by the Dolphins, MISTER football.)
You know, I really hate to be so hostile about this one (Ok I lied, I love being hostile about pieces of human waste like this) but let’s be honest here. I have valid points. Hafley was flat out mistaken in about half of his review to the point you wonder which game he was watching. Neither came up with anything that an 80 year old grandmother could not belt out with only a half hour’s worth of training on Madden 2006. When Swain astutely tried to explain the complexities of the Dolphins’ moving from man coverage to zone coverage, he was flat out contradicted by a player.
Geez man, I mean, if this is the kind of stuff that makes it into the paper, give me a call. I’ll write for you.
Thanks,
Chris Kouffman
