My 2004 Mock Draft
1. Chargers- Eli Manning, QB, Ole Miss.
First try: Ryan Leaf. Second try: Pass on Mike Vick. If on the third try Chargers general manager AJ Smith passes on a MANNING, he might as well start sending applications to the San Diego zoo.
2. Raiders- Roy Williams, WR, Texas.
After Williams has recently run in the 4.3’s and has shown no lasting effects of his lingering hamstring injury, Al Davis has fallen in love with him. I guess this pick works if the NFL allows Raiders games to be moved to the front lawn of the nursing home and Rich Gannon can throw from his bed while watching wheel-of-fortune.
3. Cardinals- Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Pittsburgh.
Usually when a team needs EVERYTHING, they start at quarterback. However, Dennis Green has a good relationship with Fitz. Larry, along with rookie of the year Anquan Boldin on the other side, will make a ferocious WR tandem. All seventeen fans at Cardinals home games will jump with elation.
4. Giants- Robert Gallery, OT, Iowa.
Word is the Browns are extremely interested in trading up to get Gallery, but the G-men need o-line help in the worst way. This athletic behemoth with a face only a mother could love will be an elite left tackle for a decade in the NFL.
5. Redskins- Sean Taylor, S, Miami (Fl.).
Sorry Roy Williams, you’re no longer the best safety in your own division. Every tight end in the NFC East has just soiled their pants. (Even the Redskin’s, because he will get lit up like fans at a Greatful Dead concert at practice.)
6. Lions- Kellen Winslow Jr., TE, Miami (Fl.).
What’s the over/under for how long it takes before Kellen “the soldier†starts complaining about receptions between he and Charles Rogers, two practices?
7. Browns- Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Miami (Oh.).
Couch will be gone, and Garcia is a three-year stop-gap. I can hear the fans now: “Come on Butch, put in Reuuh..uuhh..Berger!â€Â
8. Falcons- Tommie Harris, DT, Oklahoma.
With the Dirty Birds switching back to the 4-3, new coach Jim Mora Jr. will want to shore up that run defense to stop Deuce McAllister and Stephen Davis from running wild in the NFC South. Couldn’t they have just played Vick both ways? He can do anything.
9. Jaguars- Kenechi Udeze, DE, Southern Cal.
The strong pass-rushing end, who comes in second place in the name competition in this draft class, will start immediately for the Jags. They want a WR too, but with the talent at WR so deep in this class the Jags will look to address that position with their second pick. If Jack Del Rio doesn’t chop anyone’s extremities off this year, this team will contend.
10. Texans- DeAngelo Hall, CB, Virginia Tech.
If you had Peyton Manning, Steve McNair and Byron Leftwitch throwing against you two times a year each, wouldn’t you try to bolster your secondary also?
11. Steelers- Philip Rivers, QB, North Carolina State.
Too bad they don’t still play in Three RIVERS Stadium, huh? God, that was horrible. I’m so sorry.
12. Jets- Dunta Robinson, CB, South Carolina.
“Dunta, you know….Dunta, from upstairs.†Might be the most NFL ready cornerback in the draft. And the Jets need cornerbacks like John Kerry needs Botox. For the second time.
13. Bills- Will Smith, DE, Ohio State.
Insert your own Fresh Prince joke *here*. The Bills only weakness on D just got filled. “I’m going to Buffalo, enbeneevo uffalo uffalo.â€Â
14. Bears- Vince Wilfork, DT, Miami (Fl.).
They need a big, fat strong defensive tackle since the days of Ted Washington and Keith Traylor are gone. Wilfork is ****-strong.
15. Buccaneers- Mike Williams, WR, Southern Cal.
They need a big, strong possession receiver after MEshawn was traded to Dallas. His stock has dropped a bit because of a poor 40-yard dash, but Gruden needs a receiver since his game plan is to throw 137 five-yard outs every Sunday.
16. 49ers- Reggie Williams, WR, Washington.
Dennis Erickson has seen the talent this kid has after coaching against him in the Pac 10. He has the potential to be as good if not better than any receiver in this class. If he wears number 81, you might not be able to tell the difference from last year’s number 81. Except, Reggie will not cheerlead with pom-poms. Or bust out a sharpie. Or run to midfield after a TD. Or yell at his offensive coordinator. Or…Good Lord.
17. Bengals- Randy Starks, DT, Maryland.
The cats have a nice offense. Now they need to work on the D, and it all starts up front. This quick, strong DT will flourish under Marvin Lewis. Man, this is no fun. Whatever happened to the days when the Bungles would pick someone who was less known than the Paul Brown Stadium custodians? The good ‘ole days.
18. Saints- D. J. Williams, LB, Miami (Fl.).
With no linemen from the University of Georgia worthy of this pick, the Saints have to settle for this Derrick Brooks clone. Awwwww...poor things.
19. Vikings- Jonothan Vilma, LB, Miami (Fl.).
Sigh, another player from the University of NFL prospects off the board. That is, if Tice gets the pick in on time. The Vikes should not draft offense again in the next ten years. Vilma would upgrade their sad, sad, sad linebacker core immediately.
20. Dolphins- Shawn Andrews, OT/OG, Arkansas.
This was certainly going to be a receiver until the Fins stole David Boston from the Chargers. The thought of Jeno James and Shawn Andrews paving roadway for Ricky Williams has Dolfans as happy as Michael Jackson at a Cub Scouts meeting. With Andrews joining the Fins along with Tim Bowens and Larry Chester, the team chef might want to work overtime. Like 24/7.
21. Patriots- Steven Jackson, RB, Oregon State.
Lord Belichick does it again. He doesn’t panic, doesn’t overpay, and gets a top 10 talent with the 21st overall pick. He’s got to be a Republican.
22. Cowboys- Vernon Carey, OG, Miami (Fl.)
Here’s a Parcells type player. Road grader with an attitude to pave way for the plethora of average running backs the ‘Boys have. Plus, you know Parcells would make Carey lose access weight if he had any, which epitomizes hypocrisy if you ask me. This pick could turn out to be Kevin Jones from Virginia Tech.
23. Seahawks- Darnell Dockett, DT, Florida State.
A strong DT who can play the run and rush the passer. Just what the Hawks need. That, and new uniforms.
24. Broncos- Kevin Jones, RB, Virginia Tech.
Portis leaves, Jones comes. Bam. Instant rookie of the year candidate. My one-legged grandma could get a thousand yards in Shannahan’s system and running behind that offensive line.
25. Packers- Antwan Odom, DE, Alabama.
The Pack need a pass rush. KGB can’t do it all by himself. After paying 137 million dollars to Joe Johnson (remember him?) for him to get hurt and watch from the sidelines, they need fresh blood at the position.
26. Rams- Ben Troupe, TE, Florida.
Even though the defense seems shaky at times, you know Mike Martz can’t resist another weapon on offense. Don’t think that new Elton John-looking haircut has changed his way of thinking. The last time the Rams had the best offense in the league, they’re tight end, Ernie Conwell, was a major contributor. Coincidence? I think not.
27. Titans- Jason Babin, DE, Western Michigan.
Jeff Fischer type player. Hard worker, blue collar. Won’t make Titans fans forget about ole’ what’s his face, number 90, but he’ll get a good rush from the weakside. Why is Kobe Bryant the only one in court? Free agency needs to be on trial for what it did to the Titan’s defensive line.
28. Eagles- Chris Gamble, CB, Ohio State.
His stock has dropped after running an average 40 yard dash. He might not fall this far, but the teams ahead of the Eagles don’t have a dire need for cornerbacks. There is always a player projected to go in the first round who drops big time because he is raw. Remember Boss Bailey and Rien Long? Well Gamble is this year’s raw slider.
Andy Reid would have to change his draws if he found Gamble here. And then he’d eat something. Again. For the fourth time. Within a span of 10 minutes.
29. Colts- Matt Ware, CB/S, UCLA.
The Colts’ passing defense smells like dirty diapers filled with rotten shrimp. Tony Dungy knows he’ll never reach the Super Bowl without some semblance of a defense, even with Peyton under center. This big defensive back has been compared to Bobby Taylor, but faster.
30. Chiefs- Lee Evans, WR, Wisconsin.
As horrible, and I mean HORRIBLE, as the Chiefs defense is, their wide receivers are nothing to take home to mom and dad either. They know they’re offense is getting older, and they don’t have time to let the D catch up to make a run at a Super Bowl. If they want to make it, they’re just going to have to outscore everyone. Lee Evans, the fastest receiver in this class, is great value here and you cannot pass him up.
31. Panthers- Justin Smiley, OG, Alabama.
The Panther’s M.O. is running the football. They have a top ten running back, and running is how they made it to the Super Bowl. That being said, they lost both of their guards. Stephen Davis needs someone to block for him. Smiley is by far the most athletic guard in this draft, and fits the Panther’s style of pulling and trapping. Smiley’s stock has shot up more than Kurt Kobain in the ‘90s and would make sense at this pick.
32. Patriots- Jake Grove, C/G, Virginia Tech.
A Belichick type player. Tough, gritty. Would fit on Pat’s o-line. Grove would take Woody’s spot, who left for Detroit. Grove reminds me a lot of Lecharles Bentley when he came out in the draft two years ago. Why do the Patriots always have the best drafts?
1. Chargers- Eli Manning, QB, Ole Miss.
First try: Ryan Leaf. Second try: Pass on Mike Vick. If on the third try Chargers general manager AJ Smith passes on a MANNING, he might as well start sending applications to the San Diego zoo.
2. Raiders- Roy Williams, WR, Texas.
After Williams has recently run in the 4.3’s and has shown no lasting effects of his lingering hamstring injury, Al Davis has fallen in love with him. I guess this pick works if the NFL allows Raiders games to be moved to the front lawn of the nursing home and Rich Gannon can throw from his bed while watching wheel-of-fortune.
3. Cardinals- Larry Fitzgerald, WR, Pittsburgh.
Usually when a team needs EVERYTHING, they start at quarterback. However, Dennis Green has a good relationship with Fitz. Larry, along with rookie of the year Anquan Boldin on the other side, will make a ferocious WR tandem. All seventeen fans at Cardinals home games will jump with elation.
4. Giants- Robert Gallery, OT, Iowa.
Word is the Browns are extremely interested in trading up to get Gallery, but the G-men need o-line help in the worst way. This athletic behemoth with a face only a mother could love will be an elite left tackle for a decade in the NFL.
5. Redskins- Sean Taylor, S, Miami (Fl.).
Sorry Roy Williams, you’re no longer the best safety in your own division. Every tight end in the NFC East has just soiled their pants. (Even the Redskin’s, because he will get lit up like fans at a Greatful Dead concert at practice.)
6. Lions- Kellen Winslow Jr., TE, Miami (Fl.).
What’s the over/under for how long it takes before Kellen “the soldier†starts complaining about receptions between he and Charles Rogers, two practices?
7. Browns- Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Miami (Oh.).
Couch will be gone, and Garcia is a three-year stop-gap. I can hear the fans now: “Come on Butch, put in Reuuh..uuhh..Berger!â€Â
8. Falcons- Tommie Harris, DT, Oklahoma.
With the Dirty Birds switching back to the 4-3, new coach Jim Mora Jr. will want to shore up that run defense to stop Deuce McAllister and Stephen Davis from running wild in the NFC South. Couldn’t they have just played Vick both ways? He can do anything.
9. Jaguars- Kenechi Udeze, DE, Southern Cal.
The strong pass-rushing end, who comes in second place in the name competition in this draft class, will start immediately for the Jags. They want a WR too, but with the talent at WR so deep in this class the Jags will look to address that position with their second pick. If Jack Del Rio doesn’t chop anyone’s extremities off this year, this team will contend.
10. Texans- DeAngelo Hall, CB, Virginia Tech.
If you had Peyton Manning, Steve McNair and Byron Leftwitch throwing against you two times a year each, wouldn’t you try to bolster your secondary also?
11. Steelers- Philip Rivers, QB, North Carolina State.
Too bad they don’t still play in Three RIVERS Stadium, huh? God, that was horrible. I’m so sorry.
12. Jets- Dunta Robinson, CB, South Carolina.
“Dunta, you know….Dunta, from upstairs.†Might be the most NFL ready cornerback in the draft. And the Jets need cornerbacks like John Kerry needs Botox. For the second time.
13. Bills- Will Smith, DE, Ohio State.
Insert your own Fresh Prince joke *here*. The Bills only weakness on D just got filled. “I’m going to Buffalo, enbeneevo uffalo uffalo.â€Â
14. Bears- Vince Wilfork, DT, Miami (Fl.).
They need a big, fat strong defensive tackle since the days of Ted Washington and Keith Traylor are gone. Wilfork is ****-strong.
15. Buccaneers- Mike Williams, WR, Southern Cal.
They need a big, strong possession receiver after MEshawn was traded to Dallas. His stock has dropped a bit because of a poor 40-yard dash, but Gruden needs a receiver since his game plan is to throw 137 five-yard outs every Sunday.
16. 49ers- Reggie Williams, WR, Washington.
Dennis Erickson has seen the talent this kid has after coaching against him in the Pac 10. He has the potential to be as good if not better than any receiver in this class. If he wears number 81, you might not be able to tell the difference from last year’s number 81. Except, Reggie will not cheerlead with pom-poms. Or bust out a sharpie. Or run to midfield after a TD. Or yell at his offensive coordinator. Or…Good Lord.
17. Bengals- Randy Starks, DT, Maryland.
The cats have a nice offense. Now they need to work on the D, and it all starts up front. This quick, strong DT will flourish under Marvin Lewis. Man, this is no fun. Whatever happened to the days when the Bungles would pick someone who was less known than the Paul Brown Stadium custodians? The good ‘ole days.
18. Saints- D. J. Williams, LB, Miami (Fl.).
With no linemen from the University of Georgia worthy of this pick, the Saints have to settle for this Derrick Brooks clone. Awwwww...poor things.
19. Vikings- Jonothan Vilma, LB, Miami (Fl.).
Sigh, another player from the University of NFL prospects off the board. That is, if Tice gets the pick in on time. The Vikes should not draft offense again in the next ten years. Vilma would upgrade their sad, sad, sad linebacker core immediately.
20. Dolphins- Shawn Andrews, OT/OG, Arkansas.
This was certainly going to be a receiver until the Fins stole David Boston from the Chargers. The thought of Jeno James and Shawn Andrews paving roadway for Ricky Williams has Dolfans as happy as Michael Jackson at a Cub Scouts meeting. With Andrews joining the Fins along with Tim Bowens and Larry Chester, the team chef might want to work overtime. Like 24/7.
21. Patriots- Steven Jackson, RB, Oregon State.
Lord Belichick does it again. He doesn’t panic, doesn’t overpay, and gets a top 10 talent with the 21st overall pick. He’s got to be a Republican.
22. Cowboys- Vernon Carey, OG, Miami (Fl.)
Here’s a Parcells type player. Road grader with an attitude to pave way for the plethora of average running backs the ‘Boys have. Plus, you know Parcells would make Carey lose access weight if he had any, which epitomizes hypocrisy if you ask me. This pick could turn out to be Kevin Jones from Virginia Tech.
23. Seahawks- Darnell Dockett, DT, Florida State.
A strong DT who can play the run and rush the passer. Just what the Hawks need. That, and new uniforms.
24. Broncos- Kevin Jones, RB, Virginia Tech.
Portis leaves, Jones comes. Bam. Instant rookie of the year candidate. My one-legged grandma could get a thousand yards in Shannahan’s system and running behind that offensive line.
25. Packers- Antwan Odom, DE, Alabama.
The Pack need a pass rush. KGB can’t do it all by himself. After paying 137 million dollars to Joe Johnson (remember him?) for him to get hurt and watch from the sidelines, they need fresh blood at the position.
26. Rams- Ben Troupe, TE, Florida.
Even though the defense seems shaky at times, you know Mike Martz can’t resist another weapon on offense. Don’t think that new Elton John-looking haircut has changed his way of thinking. The last time the Rams had the best offense in the league, they’re tight end, Ernie Conwell, was a major contributor. Coincidence? I think not.
27. Titans- Jason Babin, DE, Western Michigan.
Jeff Fischer type player. Hard worker, blue collar. Won’t make Titans fans forget about ole’ what’s his face, number 90, but he’ll get a good rush from the weakside. Why is Kobe Bryant the only one in court? Free agency needs to be on trial for what it did to the Titan’s defensive line.
28. Eagles- Chris Gamble, CB, Ohio State.
His stock has dropped after running an average 40 yard dash. He might not fall this far, but the teams ahead of the Eagles don’t have a dire need for cornerbacks. There is always a player projected to go in the first round who drops big time because he is raw. Remember Boss Bailey and Rien Long? Well Gamble is this year’s raw slider.
Andy Reid would have to change his draws if he found Gamble here. And then he’d eat something. Again. For the fourth time. Within a span of 10 minutes.
29. Colts- Matt Ware, CB/S, UCLA.
The Colts’ passing defense smells like dirty diapers filled with rotten shrimp. Tony Dungy knows he’ll never reach the Super Bowl without some semblance of a defense, even with Peyton under center. This big defensive back has been compared to Bobby Taylor, but faster.
30. Chiefs- Lee Evans, WR, Wisconsin.
As horrible, and I mean HORRIBLE, as the Chiefs defense is, their wide receivers are nothing to take home to mom and dad either. They know they’re offense is getting older, and they don’t have time to let the D catch up to make a run at a Super Bowl. If they want to make it, they’re just going to have to outscore everyone. Lee Evans, the fastest receiver in this class, is great value here and you cannot pass him up.
31. Panthers- Justin Smiley, OG, Alabama.
The Panther’s M.O. is running the football. They have a top ten running back, and running is how they made it to the Super Bowl. That being said, they lost both of their guards. Stephen Davis needs someone to block for him. Smiley is by far the most athletic guard in this draft, and fits the Panther’s style of pulling and trapping. Smiley’s stock has shot up more than Kurt Kobain in the ‘90s and would make sense at this pick.
32. Patriots- Jake Grove, C/G, Virginia Tech.
A Belichick type player. Tough, gritty. Would fit on Pat’s o-line. Grove would take Woody’s spot, who left for Detroit. Grove reminds me a lot of Lecharles Bentley when he came out in the draft two years ago. Why do the Patriots always have the best drafts?
