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Time-Traveling Sticky Williams Joins Jefferson Airplane
Relix Illustrated
staff writer Larry Mazur
(San Francisco)[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In a bizarre twist to the already bizarre saga of star running back Sticky Williams, who retired this week at the age of 27 amid a flurry of controversy, a magical vortex through time has allowed him to travel 36 years into the past to join San Francisco's legendary psychedelic group The Jefferson Airplane. In a statement released sometime during the summer of 1967, Williams revealed; "I have been traveling around the world in search of true happiness, and I have been everywhere … I mean EVERYWHERE. Laos, Ecuador, this one little hamlet with a cobblestone street in Belgium was nice … but I have exhausted all of this time continuum's locales in my search. When I smoked this one leaf I found growing on a mountain in Rwanda, a magical being named Zenta appeared before me and offered me passage through the Vortex of Vishanti to a place I might find true happiness. I jumped at the chance! I needed to go back to a time before there was all this 'piss in a cup' BS!"[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]In a similar statement, The Sticky Williams of today, who is now a haggard 63 and living in the San Fernando Valley, said; "What a horrible decision I made 36 years ago yesterday. It seemed like a great idea at the time, but after I got hit over the head with a chain at Altamont and ended up in rehab, it was downhill from there. I did bounce back in the 80's tho, I got involved in the tech industry making software with Dr. Timothy Leary and all that stuff that was going on, so I did OK financially… but I dunno how I forgot that whole "We Built This City' era, I was so embarrassed living through that AGAIN, and this time being partially responsible".[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Williams made revised history adding off-key chanting and tambourine to such hits as "White Rabbit" and "Ride the Tiger" while living at the band's 2400 Fulton street home with bandmates Grace Slick, Paul Katner, Marty Balin, Jorma Kaukonen, Jack Cassidy, and Spencer Dryden. "There's a message to people who might be approaching from space on the roof here, man…. FAR OUT!!" Williams told a reporter 36 years ago. "Marty and I just stared at a tree for like, 5 hours. It was like, such a TREE. I'm tellin' you, it was like, man… whoa! I just ran into Janice Joplin downtown and I told her she was gonna be dead within, like, two years and it TOTALLY FLIPPED HER OUT."[/font]
[font=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The star running back's magical journey is unprecedented in the world of sports, although it has been reported that NBA commentator Bill Walton departed for Rwanda to find the Vortex upon hearing the news of Williams' experience.[/font]
http://www.stickywilliams.com
