A wizard offers you the chance to change the rules of the NFL. What do you do?

[TheWalrus]

You're in Southern Morocco, hiking along the rim of the Atlas Mountains. It's cool but clear. The wind whistles in your ears.

Then suddenly... the sky turns BLACK. A demonic howl pierces the night as a chill stabs straight through your clothes, icing your bones.

You turn as if to run but find yourself faced with a WIZARD. The wind is whipping but his long beard is still. He looks as if he's from another world. For a long moment he just stares at you.

"I'm here to offer you a chance," he says.

If you weren't paralyzed with fear, you'd be pissing yourself. "Wha wha whattaya mean, a chance?"

"A chance."

"To save myself?"

"No. To change... the NFL."

You blink. "The NFL?"

"Yes."

"You get the NFL here?"

The wind STOPS. The Wizard gives you a blank look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, it's Morroco."

"That's right. Morroco. A first world country."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. What do you think this is, West Virginia?"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to offend..."

"Well you did."

"Sorry."

The Wizard gathers himself. "Ok, where was I?"

The wind HOWLS again. His eyes FLASH red.

"I will give you the chance to change anything about the NFL you want. Anything! Name it. NAME IT."

You think for a moment, pull out a pen and paper, and begin to write.


1. Fire Goodell into the Sun.

2. Eliminate Thursday Night Football.

3. Restructure divisions to reflect regional rivalries. The Dolphins would end up in a division with the Jags, Bucs and Saints (or Falcons).

4. Radio transmitters in the footballs to track them for first downs/touchdowns, etc.

5. Replace current overtime with the college overtime format.

6. Allow more defensive contact in pass coverage.

7. Eliminate the extra point as it is currently. Make a touchdown a standard seven points with the option of an extra point (for a total of eight) with an untimed down from the five yard line. If "extra" extra point is unsuccessful, you lose two points.

8. Move the kickoff back to the 30 yard line.

9. Eliminate the fair catch.

10. Eliminate TV timeouts.

11. Go back to the old format of the draft. Saturday and Sunday. Three rounds on the first day. First round is 15 minutes per pick. Second round 10 minutes.

12. Ban Cialis as an NFL sponsor. I never want to hear "that could be a question of blood flow" ever again.

13. Option to turn off booth commentators and just hear crowd and field noise. Also an option to hear coach's microphone feeds.

14. Every team must have a marching band in the stadium, like in college games.

15. Field goals kicked inside the 10 yard line are only worth two points. Inside the five yard line, one point. Beyond 50 yards, four points. Any attempt to deliberately move the ball back with a delay of game would result in a loss of possession and a spanking. Any attempt by the defense to move the ball forward with an offsides penalty would result in the automatic awarding of points.



What would you say to the Wizard, finheaven? What rules would you change?

 

[Fins1971]

I have them eliminate the unwritten rule to almost always give the Patriots a break late in close games.
That and get rid of the extra point

Almost forgot,

Pass interference is maximum 15 yards or spot foul if shorter and doesn't result in automatic 1st down

 

[J. David Wannyheimer]

4. Radio transmitters in the footballs to track them for first downs/touchdowns, etc. 5. Replace current overtime with the college overtime format. 6. Allow more defensive contact in pass coverage. 10. Eliminate TV timeouts. 11. Go back to the old format of the draft. Saturday and Sunday. Three rounds on the first day. First round is 15 minutes per pick. Second round 10 minutes. 12. Ban Cialis as an NFL sponsor. I never want to hear "that could be a question of blood flow" ever again. 13. Option to turn off booth commentators and just hear crowd and field noise. Also an option to hear coach's microphone feeds. 14. Every team must have a marching band in the stadium, like in college games.

I would endorse every one of these without reservations. I would add that called penalties should be reviewable. I would remove the stupid 'coach's challenge' system. Instead, all replays would be initiated by the booth and reviewed in the booth. No more peep show. GET IT RIGHT.

 

[fishfanmiami]

Rock , paper , scissors instead of coin flip.

Celebrity guest coaches

Topless cheerleaders

Seriously i do like 4 , 10 and 13

 

[Buddy]

Rock , paper , scissors instead of coin flip.

Celebrity guest coaches

Topless cheerleaders

Seriously i do like 4 , 10 and 13

Hell yeah, celebrity coaches! We have the Williams Sisters, they know how to finish a game with no mercy!

Topless cheerleaders is brilliant but may lead to saggy boobies after a year or two of intense bouncing. Then again, there's a lot of silicone going on so maybe it won't be an issue!

 

[uk_dolfan]

No bloody tv breaks

 

[FinaticalFinfan]

You're in Southern Morocco, hiking along the rim of the Atlas Mountains. It's cool but clear. The wind whistles in your ears.

Then suddenly... the sky turns BLACK. A demonic howl pierces the night as a chill stabs straight through your clothes, icing your bones.

You turn as if to run but find yourself faced with a WIZARD. The wind is whipping but his long beard is still. He looks as if he's from another world. For a long moment he just stares at you.

"I'm here to offer you a chance," he says.

If you weren't paralyzed with fear, you'd be pissing yourself. "Wha wha whattaya mean, a chance?"

"A chance."

"To save myself?"

"No. To change... the NFL."

You blink. "The NFL?"

"Yes."

"You get the NFL here?"

The wind STOPS. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, it's Morroco."

"That's right. Morroco. A first world country."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. What do you think this is, West Virginia?"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to offend..."

"Well you did."

"Sorry."

The Wizard gathers himself. "Ok, where was I?"

The wind HOWLS again. His eyes FLASH red.

"I will give you the chance to change anything about the NFL you want. Anything! Name it. NAME IT."

You think for a moment, pull out a pen and paper, and begin to write.


1. Fire Goodell into the Sun.

2. Eliminate Thursday Night Football.

3. Restructure divisions to reflect regional rivalries. The Dolphins would end up in a division with the Jags, Bucs and Saints (or Falcons).

4. Radio transmitters in the footballs to track them for first downs/touchdowns, etc.

5. Replace current overtime with the college overtime format.

6. Allow more defensive contact in pass coverage.

7. Eliminate the extra point as it is currently. Make a touchdown a standard seven points with the option of an extra point (for a total of eight) with an untimed down from the five yard line. If "extra" extra point is unsuccessful, you lose two points.

8. Move the kickoff back to the 30 yard line.

9. Eliminate the fair catch.

10. Eliminate TV timeouts.

11. Go back to the old format of the draft. Saturday and Sunday. Three rounds on the first day. First round is 15 minutes per pick. Second round 10 minutes.

12. Ban Cialis as an NFL sponsor. I never want to hear "that could be a question of blood flow" ever again.

13. Option to turn off booth commentators and just hear crowd and field noise. Also an option to hear coach's microphone feeds.

14. Every team must have a marching band in the stadium, like in college games.

15. Field goals kicked inside the 10 yard line are only worth two points. Inside the five yard line, one point. Beyond 50 yards, four points. Any attempt to deliberately move the ball back with a delay of game would result in a loss of possession and a spanking. Any attempt by the defense to move the ball forward with an offsides penalty would result in the automatic awarding of points.



What would you say to the Wizard, finheaven? What rules would you change?

Hate 3.
Dislike 7,9, and 15.
But I could get on board with the rest of them.
Would also ask the Wizard if he could make it so Tom Brady's wife could walk in on him having sex with Mark Sanchez, get a divorce, and his new wife be honey boo boos mom.

 

[TheWalrus]

Hate 3.
Dislike 7,9, and 15.
But I could get on board with the rest of them.
Would also ask the Wizard if he could make it so Tom Brady's wife could walk in on him having sex with Mark Sanchez, get a divorce, and his new wife be honey boo boos mom.

Divisional alignment (rule change #3) is probably the one I would institute first. It would be a shock at first to leave the Jets, Bills and Pats behind but long term it would be an absolutely boon to the team. I'm not sure how many people realize that the Dolphins routinely are near the tops of the league in miles traveled per year (often we are #1). Playing three divisional games in the Northeast every year is tough on the team from a climate perspective and a miles traveled perspective. Also there's not natural rivalry there. What do I care about Western NY? What do I care about Boston?

Give me a guy from Tampa I can hate. There are lots of them around. My brother is a Jags fan. Give me his throat so I can slash it twice a year. Give me natural, geographical rivalries every time over historic ones. Look how long it took the Colts fanbase to adjust to hating Tennessee and Houston. Not long at all.

Having our divisional away games in Tampa and Jacksonville every year would be great, bringing far more of a college atmosphere to the games. I'm a UF graduate. And it absolutely makes a big difference that Bama and Mississippi and Georgia and every other SEC school are right there, relatively speaking. There's nothing like watching a bunch of inbred buffoons dressed in yellow and purple marching through campus to get you hyped up to kill LSU.

 

[TheWalrus]

Rock , paper , scissors instead of coin flip.

Celebrity guest coaches

Topless cheerleaders

Seriously i do like 4 , 10 and 13

I thought about a new rule for the coin flip, which is a boring waste of time. I liked the XFL system where two guys raced for the football. Also thought about an arm wrestling contest between the two owners. Or maybe have them race to see who can chug a beer faster. :idk:

Speaking of the XFL, I also liked that players could put any message they liked on the back of their jerseys. Hence "He Hate Me." Very much worth considering.

 

[Daytona Fin]

Bring back the Alcoa can't wait, fantastic finishes two minute warning clips.

 

[Daytona Fin]

Break out the beer funnels to replace the coin toss.

 

[FinaticalFinfan]

Divisional alignment (rule change #3) is probably the one I would institute first. It would be a shock at first to leave the Jets, Bills and Pats behind but long term it would be an absolutely boon to the team. I'm not sure how many people realize that the Dolphins routinely are near the tops of the league in miles traveled per year (often we are #1). Playing three divisional games in the Northeast every year is tough on the team from a climate perspective and a miles traveled perspective. Also there's not natural rivalry there. What do I care about Western NY? What do I care about Boston?

Give me a guy from Tampa I can hate. There are lots of them around. My brother is a Jags fan. Give me his throat so I can slash it twice a year. Give me natural, geographical rivalries every time over historic ones. Look how long it took the Colts fanbase to adjust to hating Tennessee and Houston. Not long at all.

Having our divisional away games in Tampa and Jacksonville every year would be great, bringing far more of a college atmosphere to the games. I'm a UF graduate. And it absolutely makes a big difference that Bama and Mississippi and Georgia and every other SEC school are right there, relatively speaking. There's nothing like watching a bunch of inbred buffoons dressed in yellow and purple marching through campus to get you hyped up to kill LSU.

I understand all the positives and living here just 30 minutes north of Tampa, I got plenty of folks I could hate :) and I am sure I would get over the old rivalries being lost. I guess me just liking tradition makes me initially not like a change of that nature.

 

[overworkedirish]

Pass interference is maximum 15 yards or spot foul if shorter and doesn't result in automatic 1st down

This definitely. Or some variation.

And all calls being challengeable, as well as the lack of a call being challengeable. Heck, they have only so many timeouts, it wouldn't slow the game more than it already is.

And actually calling holding. Every week I watch Wake get held and it only gets called as a makeup for when other BS calls don't go our way.

 

[MD]

Of that list realignment is a must and it should be Miami, Tampa, the Jags and Falcons. Instantly makes the Dolphins division winners for years to come.

Reduce the play clock to 20 seconds.

 

[TheWalrus]

Of that list realignment is a must and it should be Miami, Tampa, the Jags and Falcons. Instantly makes the Dolphins division winners for years to come.

Reduce the play clock to 20 seconds.

I'd be good with that if it went to, say, five timeouts. Which would be okay with me.