Bill Simmons blasts CPep on Page 2

[Stevendinho]

By Bill Simmons
Page 2

Thanks to an overflow of panicked fantasy owners in California, we had to hold our weekly Daunte Culpepper Roto Support Group meeting at the Staples Center on Wednesday night. Nearly 14,000 people showed up, shattering the old record of 9,500 from last season. It's always a sobering crowd. You can't imagine how much damage Daunte has inflicted over the past two seasons until you see everyone crammed in one place.
I kicked things off by standing on a makeshift stage, leaning into the microphone and saying, "My name is Bill, and I'm a recovering Daunte Culpepper owner." Everyone said hello. You could feel the warmth.
Then I told everyone my story: Last season, Daunte destroyed my West Coast fantasy team. Co-owner T-Man and I had taken him in the second round. We were expecting big things. He ended up obliterating our season -- six TDs and 12 INTs in six weeks, followed by Daunte blowing out his knee in 35 places in Week 7 and leaving us for dead. We never recovered. And naturally, we vowed never to take him again.
And that's when fate intervened: Daunte was traded to the Dolphins, T-Man's favorite team. The T-Man can't think rationally when Dolphins are involved; he always ends up overvaluing them for fantasy purposes and saying stuff during drafts like, "I know it's early, but I'll tell you who I love right here: Marty Booker!" We all have friends like this. He knew we could never pick Daunte again, not after what happened, but heading into this year's draft, T-Man was super-excited about grabbing Chris Chambers with our third-round pick (No. 22 overall). I found myself getting excited about Chambers as well -- after all, Culpepper couldn't be worse than the Triple-F's (Fiedler, Feeley and Frerotte), right? Playing with a QB with a big arm, it seemed logical that Chambers would become a top-five receiver.

Only one thing worried me:

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[Desides]

To paraphrase LBJ, Daunte Culpepper could walk on water and the newspaper headlines would read, "Culpepper Can't Swim."

 

[jpcdolphan]

Well, I'm not a huge Simmons fan but I do remember reading him whining last year when Culpepper was still with the Vikings about how he ruined his fantasy season so it's not like he just started taking shots at him.

And, as of right now, the crux of his story is accurate. A bunch of people doubtless took Culpepper fairly high in their drafts and did likewise to Chambers because Culpepper was passing to him and, to date, those "investments" haven't paid off.

However, unless Simmons just got hired to be our GM, it only makes for an entertaining article...nothing more.

 

[54zach54]

:dolphins: Best post in a long time... bravo :dolphins:

 

[SoDakDolfan]

Got to admit there seems to be at least a shred of truth in his arguments. I'm hoping for the best but I'm not as confident as I was 3 weeks ago.

 

[Slappy8800]

"Oh, yeah," I said. "They were chanting for Joey Harrington. You heard me."

:rawk:

 

[tsandaal]

Bill Simmons is hilarious. He's not dogging our players, just taking a humorous slant on their less than stellar performance thus far. And he's right. If we look at performance over potential, we are not making the playoffs, not when we cannot make big plays, nor prevent them.

 

[SackArtist]

LOL Bill Simmons is hilarious:

"He's taking bad sacks, getting rid of the ball too soon, short-arming sidearm passes and making weird faces after every incompletion, kinda like how someone looks when they're sitting in an airplane and someone else farts -- not when they first smell the odor, but the look about five seconds later, when the smell isn't going away. It's a look that says, "This stinks, I feel sick, I'm trapped." That was Culpepper. With every poor decision, he was giving the Bills life."

"I'm not sure whether this was the single worst pass in NFL history, but it was definitely in the top five. And watching the other Dolphins jog incredulously off the field while Culpepper made the Stale Fart Face, three things became abundantly clear."

:sidelol:

 

[DoggPhin]

Yep. Look at the fantasy kiddies all upset because their "savior" QB was rushed into a starting role too soon, and is playing like crap. Well they've already drafted the guy so that explains why they're hoping he turns it around real fast before their fantasy team goes down the tube like a bad case of diarrhea!! Too bad you guys made your fantasy picks based on outdated stats from 2004... :boohoo:

VERY FUNNY ARTICLE

AND the siggy's not bad either. FWIW I do not support changing QB's this week. However at some point the Daunte Fantasy league will have to face reality - Joey not a matter of IF ... but When. I say in 2 weeks.

 

[NorFlaFin]

Bad fart face? That's funny.

I don't who you are.