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Bizarro Press Conference (satire)

claytonduper

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Reporter 1: Coach, how did our defense become so dominant the last couple of games?

FLORES: It is a team effort, from the coaches down to player execution. We had this Baltimore game marked on our calendar. It was a special PRIME time game. We kept our defense under wraps for most of the season just for this game. It was important we didn't reveal to the Ravens what we had scripted leading up to this game. That's a great team over there and we made a few more plays.

Reporter 2: Is the offensive line getting better?

FLORES: It has been our prime goal, from the front office to player execution, that each lineman be able to play every position. To that point we have all the Guards running the ball and our tackles catching bubble screens. You all saw what Hunt could do. It is important they can play all the positions. It is a work in progress, but our guys work hard and are versatile and if asked, can play any position.

Reporter 2: Why is the Offensive line ranked last in time allowed for QB throws?

FLORES: It is all by design. We needed to know early on if our QB's could make quick decisions. It was important for us to know if Tua's surgical hip could withstand some direct hits. To that affect, we have been quite successful. In the Buffalo game, Tua's hip was hit 3 times and the surgical hip withstood the impact. He is tough kid, and he understands this was important for his own self doubt health-wise.

Reporter 1: Is "X" allowed to tackle TE's?

FLORES: X is an outstanding player. He is a team player. We will re-work his contract extension in the offseason and continue discussions on tackling TE's. For now he is doing everything we have asked of him.

Reporter 3: Will we still pursue Watson?

FLORES: Tua is our QB for the season. Every player must feel pressure of the world to develop. If Watson becomes a member of the Dolphins we will attack with a 2-headed QB attack in specific situations. We will use both QBs in and out every play dictated by down and distance and circumstance. Tua is our QB. Brissett is the best back up QB in the league. He can even play right guard if needed.

Reporter 2: Will Parker and Fuller play this season again?

FLORES: They are both doing everything possible to help the team. They are team first guys. They are tough guys. Our next man up approach is important for the team growth. It is important in our evaluations of our QB's to see how they can handle pressure without an O-line and no receivers. Our QB's must be able to make plays and not be falsely dependent on a running game. We must execute better.

Reporter 1: How would you assess the coaching staff?

FLORES: Our coaches are doing a great job. We can all do better. We need to execute better and that starts with me. Just like our team, our coordinators are versatile taking turns calling plays both offensively and defensively. If one of our coordinators is out, we will be able to easily transition without much of drop-off. Our players have to execute.


(that's all the hot-air for now; I need Dolphins football on Sunday) 🍻 :dead:
 
I guesss others team will thank us for designing plays that have our QB running for their lives early and often. This limits us to short and intermediate passes. Other teams outfielders Cana double up as infielders without worry. Good Job Flores!
 
Reporter 1: Coach, how did our defense become so dominant the last couple of games?

FLORES: It is a team effort, from the coaches down to player execution. We had this Baltimore game marked on our calendar. It was a special PRIME time game. We kept our defense under wraps for most of the season just for this game. It was important we didn't reveal to the Ravens what we had scripted leading up to this game. That's a great team over there and we made a few more plays.

Reporter 2: Is the offensive line getting better?

FLORES: It has been our prime goal, from the front office to player execution, that each lineman be able to play every position. To that point we have all the Guards running the ball and our tackles catching bubble screens. You all saw what Hunt could do. It is important they can play all the positions. It is a work in progress, but our guys work hard and are versatile and if asked, can play any position.

Reporter 2: Why is the Offensive line ranked last in time allowed for QB throws?

FLORES: It is all by design. We needed to know early on if our QB's could make quick decisions. It was important for us to know if Tua's surgical hip could withstand some direct hits. To that affect, we have been quite successful. In the Buffalo game, Tua's hip was hit 3 times and the surgical hip withstood the impact. He is tough kid, and he understands this was important for his own self doubt health-wise.

Reporter 1: Is "X" allowed to tackle TE's?

FLORES: X is an outstanding player. He is a team player. We will re-work his contract extension in the offseason and continue discussions on tackling TE's. For now he is doing everything we have asked of him.

Reporter 3: Will we still pursue Watson?

FLORES: Tua is our QB for the season. Every player must feel pressure of the world to develop. If Watson becomes a member of the Dolphins we will attack with a 2-headed QB attack in specific situations. We will use both QBs in and out every play dictated by down and distance and circumstance. Tua is our QB. Brissett is the best back up QB in the league. He can even play right guard if needed.

Reporter 2: Will Parker and Fuller play this season again?

FLORES: They are both doing everything possible to help the team. They are team first guys. They are tough guys. Our next man up approach is important for the team growth. It is important in our evaluations of our QB's to see how they can handle pressure without an O-line and no receivers. Our QB's must be able to make plays and not be falsely dependent on a running game. We must execute better.

Reporter 1: How would you assess the coaching staff?

FLORES: Our coaches are doing a great job. We can all do better. We need to execute better and that starts with me. Just like our team, our coordinators are versatile taking turns calling plays both offensively and defensively. If one of our coordinators is out, we will be able to easily transition without much of drop-off. Our players have to execute.


(that's all the hot-air for now; I need Dolphins football on Sunday) 🍻 :dead:
The best fiction has some truth built-in...that one just happens to have a LOT of truth built-in.
 
Our defense gets exposed the longer the play lasts. Playing conservative exposes the speed of our DB's (Howard and Jones). With the play in front of them, we maximize both of their coverage ability. If we let the play develop with a weak 4 man rush, we allow the play to get out of their hands. And we have seen plenty examples of that this year.

If the defense continues to pressure the QB like they did last week against Baltimore, I don't count them out of ANY game we have left, but that is a big "if."
 
Reporter: Why was Tua benched for Brisset when he was clearly able to play?

Flores: We need to protect Tua for his own health and the fact we have a trade in place to send him to Denver or Washington as soon as the season ends and don't want him injured before the trade is finalized, we need the extra picks to pay for Watson... oops wasn't supposed to say that last part.
 
The whole thing going on with this team is bizzare and wierd, so I wouldn't rule anything out.
 
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