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Cam Cameron article I wrote

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Alex44

Chicago Bears GM
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I hope you guys like it, if you don't please feel free to criticize it. Notice I said criticize not bash. Anyway I'd like to grow as a writer and I'm interested in what you guys think. Any other information I should have included? One thing I slightly regret is going to much by numbers and not what type of person he is.

Evaluating Cam Cameron

At the end of the season Miami Dolphins head coach Nick Saban walked out on his team, leaving another hole for the already struggling Miami Dolphins to fill. There was a lackluster list of candidates that includes the likes of Chan Gailey, Jim Mora Jr., Brian Schottenheimer, and the eventual head coach Cam Cameron. Did Miami make the correct choice? Lets take a look at what Cameron has done in his career.
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EDIT: I know there are some spelling mistakes in there most likely, oh and also mods I'm sorry for the no icon, I meant to put 'opinion' next to it.

P.S: If you liked what I wrote I have another one on the Dolphins offense, but I don't want to go around posting like I'm some pro writer. PM me for it if you want.
 
well done Alex, I liked it. I only had problems with one sentence... it just doesn't read right for me...
It started in 1994 when he became the Washington Redskins quarterback coach, that didn't lead to instant success.
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I sent off to some friends...with a couple more on deck today, a writing effort of my own. I am awaiting comments and critique and have hopes it won't be too brutal. Good luck to you sir!
 
cnc66 said:
well done Alex, I liked it. I only had problems with one sentence... it just doesn't read right for me...


I sent off to some friends...with a couple more on deck today, a writing effort of my own. I am awaiting comments and critique and have hopes it won't be too brutal. Good luck to you sir!
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You're right about that sentence, there are a couple problems with it. It's not even really correct english when I look at it. Not to mention a new QB coach doesnt exactly lead to success anyway.

Thanks for the kind words though.
 
Alex44 said:
You're right about that sentence, there are a couple problems with it. It's not even really correct english when I look at it. Not to mention a new QB coach doesnt exactly lead to success anyway.

Thanks for the kind words though.
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you are welcome.

Something I "have to" do is walk away from my writing for a couple of days or I can't trust my own "proof" read. I read it out loud too... that helps me catch some of my "huh?" sentences. My friends tell me to just write... practice the craft and I will get better. There is merit to that, it has improved, I haven't been told I write like I talk in awhile now.. knock on wood.. so keep at it, you will only improve.
 
cnc66 said:
you are welcome.

Something I "have to" do is walk away from my writing for a couple of days or I can't trust my own "proof" read. I read it out loud too... that helps me catch some of my "huh?" sentences. My friends tell me to just write... practice the craft and I will get better. There is merit to that, it has improved, I haven't been told I write like I talk in awhile now.. knock on wood.. so keep at it, you will only improve.
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Thats one of my problems, I write everything so fast and just post it or show it off and then I look back and say to myself 'wait...that doesn't really make sense.'

Thanks for the advice.
 
I enjoyed your article, thought it was pretty well written. There were a couple little things like that sentence, and maybe tight end should be two words, but overall I enjoyed it. Just keep writing, you will continue to improve every article as long as you continue to be humble and desire to improve, you will.

Sometimes I used to teach in management seminars that you should do what we called "a brain dump", meaning write everything down of all you can think of really fast, then go back and move it all around so it makes sense. Thank God for computers, as now you can cut and paste, in my day we had to rewrite the whole damn thing. I agree the personality and integrity angle might have improved the article a little bit, instead of relying on strictly stats. People enjoy learning the "human" side of a guy like this too.

I look forward to reading more of your articles in the future. Keep us posted when and where.
 
Alex44 said:
I hope you guys like it, if you don't please feel free to criticize it. Notice I said criticize not bash. Anyway I'd like to grow as a writer and I'm interested in what you guys think. Any other information I should have included? One thing I slightly regret is going to much by numbers and not what type of person he is.

Evaluating Cam Cameron



EDIT: I know there are some spelling mistakes in there most likely, oh and also mods I'm sorry for the no icon, I meant to put 'opinion' next to it.

P.S: If you liked what I wrote I have another one on the Dolphins offense, but I don't want to go around posting like I'm some pro writer. PM me for it if you want.
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I enjoyed the article. Seems like you've got the potential to become a good writer if you work at it.
 
One style tip: you're using prepositions to start a large portion of your sentences and that makes it kind of choppy. Also, there's some misuse and absence of commas.

Other than that, I thought it was written and transitions well.
 
Rafiki said:
One style tip I have is that you use prepositions to start a large portion of your sentences. Also, there's some misuse and absence of commas.

Other than that, I thought it was written and transitions well.
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I've always had a problem with that for some reason. It used to be that used all commas and hardly ever any periods....I've improved a lot in that aspect of it. I do have punctuation issues though and I'll be the first to admit that.

Thank you.
 
Rafiki said:
One style tip I have is that you use prepositions to start a large portion of your sentences. Also, there's some misuse and absence of commas.

Other than that, I thought it was written and transitions well.
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I was given a grammar wheel to teach me just that for Christmas, I can't find it. :goof:
 
cnc66 said:
I was given a grammar wheel to teach me just that for Christmas, I can't find it. :goof:
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I bought "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Grammar and Style". :chuckle:

I was seriously amazed by the amount of good and helpful information in that book.
 
Not bad, lol, don't worry you will not get any grammatical or punctuation corrections from me. However, whatt jumped out at me was your conclusion.
A better expectation would be for better play calling, and with a few improvements in personnel, better offensive production. Not sure what kinda journalist you want to be, but in sports people like to throw past columns up and snipe at writers if they don't totally get it right.
 
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