"Culture Change": Mustache=Wins?!?

[VandyLaw]

I posted this analysis in the VIP forums in a thread by inFINSible featuring a frighteningly hilarious amalgam picture of Sparano and The Wannstache. I'm putting it up here also, because frankly, I think it's the single most encouraging aspect of the Sparano hire. I want you all to be able to share in my excitement!

Folks, I think we're all missing the big, hairy picture. Forget the havoc that the Wannstache wreaked on the Dolphins future in his personnel capacity. It's irrelevant. Sparano isn't going to have that kind of authority. We need to focus on what Wannstache accomplished as a coach. Specifically, he was the last winning coach of our Miami Dolphins. And, not coincidentally, the last Dolphins head coach with a mustache!

I've done a quick and dirty study on the recent success of NFL head coaches with cookie dusters. The results and recent trends are rather encouraging. Two years ago, both Super Bowl head coaches sported upper lip plumage! And last year, a mustachioed coach won the Super Bowl, making it two consecutive years. Unfortunately, we can't expect a Mustache Threepeat this season, unless Belichick, Coughlin, or McCarthy grow one before the Big Game (I don't think Norv is up to the task).

The lesson here: fear not the inevitable Wanny/Sparano 'stache comparisons. Focus on the positive: Head coaches with soup strainers are proven winners!

Tony Dungy
Regular Season: 127-65
Postseason: 9-9 (Super Bowl 1-0)

Bill Cowher
Regular Season: 149-90-1
Postseason: 12-9 (Super Bowl 1-1)

Mike Holmgren
Regular Season: 157-99
Postseason: 13-11 (Super Bowl 1-2)

Jeff Fisher
Regular Season: 115-99
Postseason: 5-5 (Super Bowl 0-1)

Andy Reid
Regular Season: 88-56
Postseason: 8-6 (Super Bowl 0-1)

Herm Edwards
Regular Season: 52-60
Postseason: 2-4

Romeo Crennel
Regular Season: 20-28
Postseason: 0-0

Brad Childress
Regular Season: 14-18
Postseason: 0-0

David Raymond Wannstedt
Regular Season: 82-87 (42-31 with the Dolphins, including 3 1st Place AFC East finishes)
Postseason: 2-3
Wanny Note: The man is much reviled here, as well he should be for his personnel incompetence. But let's face it, if Sparano can put together a run of 11, 11, 9 and 10 wins in consecutive seasons with 3 Division Championships, we'll be falling all over ourselves to kiss his mustachioed rump.

Total
Regular Season: 804-602-1 (.571, above 9 wins per year on average)
Postseason: 51-47
Super Bowl Appearances: 8 (3 NFL Championships)

 

[SabanHater]

cookie dusters, lip plumage, and soup strainers.....

nice! lol.

 

[dolpns13]

haha, thats great!

 

[Phinfantic]

Funny thread ! As long as we start winning again, maybe we can get the rest of the front office people to grow them too.

 

[MrTree]

I'm going to grow a mustache now!

 

[Dol_Fan_4_Ever]

I do like those stats, however I hope that Sparano doesn't have the same Wanny incompetence and fall on his face after the 5th year. I don't see it happening because Parcells would reem him for it.

 

[finsmx]

I'm going to grow a mustache now!

Same here!

 

[endorPHINS72]

Good post, dude! Now maybe if he Sparano can hire Tom Selleck as offensive coordinator we'll be good to go! LOL

 

[VandyLaw]

Good post, dude! Now maybe if he Sparano can hire Tom Selleck as offensive coordinator we'll be good to go! LOL

Awesome. The Magnum Offense would run like a fine-tuned Ferrari. Fellow 'staches TC for defensive coordinator and Higgins for special teams coach.

 

[SabanHater]

my waitress at Applebees the other day had a stash. A dark one too!


I ordered water.

 

[Phinfantic]

my waitress at Applebees the other day had a stash. A dark one too!


I ordered water.