infiltrateib
TV Doctor
The Miami Dolphins season came to an end the same way it began: with an embarassing loss. The team, expected to show improvement from the 4-12 debacle that was the "Dave Regime," moved backwards under the guidance of Nick Saban and the new general manager, "Dolphins Fans Nationwide."
The offseason, plagued by inconsistency and poor decisionmaking, saw a team unable to decide on a starting QB. The heir apparent was AJ Feeley, a former Duck and female fan favorite, until he was traded after the third preseason game to the New York Jets for a bag of walnuts and a "kick me" sign worn by Balkie from Perfect Strangers. Zack Thomas, a stalwart at the MLB position for the last decade, was seen as a "square peg in a round hole" and was shipped to the San Diego Chargers for Toniu Fonoti. Fonoti, still struggling with injury and weight issues, is being groomed by Hudson Houck but has yet to make an impact.
Perhaps the most surprising move of the offseason was the trading of Jason Taylor, who Fan GMs decided was aging too quickly (despite his Neutrogena Beautifying Anti-Aging Cream). Most experts expected the Dolphins to shop Taylor's services, and were surprised when he was quickly shipped off, along with a 2006 first-round pick, to the Green Bay Packers for Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre (Fan GMs said "they'd take either one over the $#*$#@* QB they had").
Gus Frerotte was given a 5 year contract extension after his rousing performance against the Denver Broncos, which was overshadowed by defensive weakness. Starting defensive tackle Manny Wright collapsed on the field midway through the second quarter, but was brought back the following 10 weeks due to his "potential." His Fan GM Enforced "NoCal" Diet has caused him to lose 167lbs, leaving him at a svelte 150. He is expected to contribute on special teams when the team is ahead by more than 14. The situation has not yet arisen.
Chris Chambers, benched after the Cleveland game, joined Ronnie Brown on the sidelines and is expected to seek a trade this offseason. Ronnie Brown keeps his spirits up, but was visibly frustrated with his purely backup role. Starter Ricky Williams regained his 2002 form behind the Houck-revamped line, and Houck was promoted to "King of Miami" and starting safety. Williams broke the NFL's carries record, and will spend much of the offseason repairing his torn rotator cuff and shin splints.
Most surprising may be the replacement of Coach Nick Saban, who was replaced in Week 11 by a guy from Minneapolis of the same name. Asked for comment, Chester Saban said "I'm just glad the Fan GMs have seen the light. I plan on getting this team turned around." The ensuing six losses indicated otherwise.
The Dolphins, tied for the worst record in the league with the Tennessee Titans, met that team in Week 15 in what was termed the "Struggle of the Titans." Despite player requests to play, Fan GMs instructed Saban to start Vincent Young, the player acquired from Europe after Sage Rosenfels died mysteriously at a team practice in Week 12. Vincent Young, a computer salesman, was confused at why he was offered a seven year contract but believes it has something to do with his name. Pat Leinart, the starting RCB, echoed similar sentiments. The team came out after the half up 6-3, and punted on second down thereafter to "win the Reggie Bush lottery." The NFL is seeking sanctions.
The team looks to rebuild in 2005, though it will start with the selection of Reggie Bush, who the Dolphins have already given the rights to the stadium and Wayne H's car. He will likely split carries with Ricky Williams, if he returns.
The offseason, plagued by inconsistency and poor decisionmaking, saw a team unable to decide on a starting QB. The heir apparent was AJ Feeley, a former Duck and female fan favorite, until he was traded after the third preseason game to the New York Jets for a bag of walnuts and a "kick me" sign worn by Balkie from Perfect Strangers. Zack Thomas, a stalwart at the MLB position for the last decade, was seen as a "square peg in a round hole" and was shipped to the San Diego Chargers for Toniu Fonoti. Fonoti, still struggling with injury and weight issues, is being groomed by Hudson Houck but has yet to make an impact.
Perhaps the most surprising move of the offseason was the trading of Jason Taylor, who Fan GMs decided was aging too quickly (despite his Neutrogena Beautifying Anti-Aging Cream). Most experts expected the Dolphins to shop Taylor's services, and were surprised when he was quickly shipped off, along with a 2006 first-round pick, to the Green Bay Packers for Aaron Rodgers or Brett Favre (Fan GMs said "they'd take either one over the $#*$#@* QB they had").
Gus Frerotte was given a 5 year contract extension after his rousing performance against the Denver Broncos, which was overshadowed by defensive weakness. Starting defensive tackle Manny Wright collapsed on the field midway through the second quarter, but was brought back the following 10 weeks due to his "potential." His Fan GM Enforced "NoCal" Diet has caused him to lose 167lbs, leaving him at a svelte 150. He is expected to contribute on special teams when the team is ahead by more than 14. The situation has not yet arisen.
Chris Chambers, benched after the Cleveland game, joined Ronnie Brown on the sidelines and is expected to seek a trade this offseason. Ronnie Brown keeps his spirits up, but was visibly frustrated with his purely backup role. Starter Ricky Williams regained his 2002 form behind the Houck-revamped line, and Houck was promoted to "King of Miami" and starting safety. Williams broke the NFL's carries record, and will spend much of the offseason repairing his torn rotator cuff and shin splints.
Most surprising may be the replacement of Coach Nick Saban, who was replaced in Week 11 by a guy from Minneapolis of the same name. Asked for comment, Chester Saban said "I'm just glad the Fan GMs have seen the light. I plan on getting this team turned around." The ensuing six losses indicated otherwise.
The Dolphins, tied for the worst record in the league with the Tennessee Titans, met that team in Week 15 in what was termed the "Struggle of the Titans." Despite player requests to play, Fan GMs instructed Saban to start Vincent Young, the player acquired from Europe after Sage Rosenfels died mysteriously at a team practice in Week 12. Vincent Young, a computer salesman, was confused at why he was offered a seven year contract but believes it has something to do with his name. Pat Leinart, the starting RCB, echoed similar sentiments. The team came out after the half up 6-3, and punted on second down thereafter to "win the Reggie Bush lottery." The NFL is seeking sanctions.
The team looks to rebuild in 2005, though it will start with the selection of Reggie Bush, who the Dolphins have already given the rights to the stadium and Wayne H's car. He will likely split carries with Ricky Williams, if he returns.
great stuff