Dear Mr. Huizenga,
I am staying positive about this offseason so let me start by saying thank you for giving Wanstetd a 2 yr contract extension, Im sure he'll turn this team around within 2 more years...Thank You for hiring Rick to be our GM, although clueless, he does have that tough guy look very similar to Howie Long... & most of all Thank you for giving us the worst Season iv'e ever seen...I take it that your intentions were really to give us an early Christmas, after all, we're already playing like its december...so thank you for the wonderful early christmas present...
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Dear Mr. Spielman,
Thanks for giving away our 2nd rd pick for a 3rd string QB with no experience, ...You were abosuletly right, this guy does have an arm...so strong of an arm, that the Safties and Cornerbacks are having trouble intercepting the ball at times, nice way to correct Fiedlers Interception problem..I never would've thought of that....By the way, thanks for giving away our 3rd rd pick to move up up 1 spot in the draft to get Vernon Carey, he's really helped this team out by pushing the guy in front of him to play better or they may lose their job...nice motivational move there Mr. Spielman...
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Dear Mr. Dumstetd,
Sorry if I'm misspelling your name wrong, but please understand that its one of those tough names to spell, so i hope you dont mind that I just call you Winnie, I mean Wanny...Anyway, I would like to start off by giving you a metaphore, since i know that's your style...
Wanny, you ever seen one of these??
Probably not, but let me tell you this object you see here can work miracles, and that is something I think our team needs right now...So why not try and use it...
Before I go on and thank you for these wonderful years of effort you've given us, i would like to ask you a couple of questions...First off, why couldnt you sink our wonderful team any faster?? why did you have to wait 5 years??? you couldve saved us alot of time and you couldve saved yourself millions of excuses...I mean why beat around the mustache, both you and I know this team is in a bit of trouble, but I'm sure it's ok, right? Nothing a couple more draft pick trades cant fix....Speaking of draft picks, what ever happened to what's his name....Jamar Fletcher?? Oh thats right, we traded him for D. Boston, who unfortunelty got hurt, but hey, thats ok, we got Booker now & even though he doesnt wanna be here, what the heck, its not up to him anyway ...besides he's an ex-bear,right? we all know how much you still love Chicago and your wonderful years there...
Oh yeah, I've been wanting to ask you, where are you getting these Offensive Lineman from?? Wanny, you are overpaying for these guys, ...may i suggest and try to save you some salary cap money, I have an uncle who has these ....
sitting in the back of his house, they are a bit old, but nonethless still as solid as the guys you have playing out there..Im sure he'll let each one go for about 15 bucks...and that would save us the salary cap hit...Oh dont worry, Im sure those cans wont mind playing for our team...
Hey, how's your boy Feidler taking the benching situation?? Is he showing any signs of jealousy that someone else is getting the chance to throw Interceptions out there?? ...ah,dont worry about it, with time he'll get over it...just tell him to stay focused and dont drop that clipboard...
Well, thats all i have to say for now...i know most of the problems we have are not your fault...after all your just the head coach, right? no big deal, Just like the problems are coming down on their own, Im sure they'll get fixed on their own...so just lay back and relax, if all else fails, hey, there's always the unemployment office.
Sincerely,
A soon to be happy fan.