insomnia411
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Ah, Christmas in April has arrived again. After a long and agonizing NFL off season of indescribable boredom, dealing with the ****tiest NCAA tournament of all time, listening to Tim Kurkjian and Buster Olney wax poetic about the Sawx (JOWSH BEECKEEET!), employment opportunities gone awry, and excessive masturbation, the NFL draft is almost here! This one promises to be a good one.
In what must be considered to be television’s greatest and most captivating display of reality television, the NFL draft provides intrigue, mystery, drama, and more anticipation than an ultra-horny prom date. I love the draft more than life itself, and although that isn’t saying much because I hate life, I get amped up for the draft like Carlos Mencia gets excited to be utterly and completely un-funny… And he gets pretty damn pumped to do that.
At any rate, I don’t believe that anyone is surprised by the fact that the Lions are once again picking at the top of the draft. Although this is the first time the inept Lions have had the first overall pick since 1980, 2009 brings the astounding seventh top ten selection for the Lions in the past ten years… This is the fourth time they have picked in the top five since ’99 as well.
Welp, congrats on being ****ing pathetic Detroit! Not only does your city’s economy suck more balls than Freddy Mercury on **** - aphrodisiac heroin, but so does your football team! Now let’s get to the mock draft you baboons.
This year, since I’m smarter than 90% of all NFL GMs, I’ll be writing from the standpoint of what teams SHOULD be doing with their first round picks, not what I think they WILL do. This will probably cause me to be wrong most of the time with my pick predictions, but come back to me in 3-5 years and tell me whether or not I’m wrong about what these teams SHOULD have done. The last time I made a mock draft in 2006, I strongly suggested that the Titans draft Jay Cutler over the other two retarded quarterbacks (Leinart and Young) and I was laughed at. Not so funny now, douche bags.
1. Detroit Lions – Jason Smith – OT – Baylor
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I would not spend the top pick on either quarterback.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They need a left tackle like I need a job (pretty badly).
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Bill Parcells proves time and time again that you need to build your football team from the inside out.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Jason Smith = Beast.
2. St. Louis Rams – Aaron Curry – OLB – Wake Forest
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Their defense has been terrible for years, and Curry would give them a very solid LB corps with Witherspoon and Tinoisomoa.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Aaron Curry is widely considered to be the safest pick in the draft.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Coach Spaggs will love this versatile and fierce young asset.
3. Kansas City Chiefs – Eugene Monroe – OT – Virginia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Monroe and Chris Williams will bookend a potent offensive attack for Todd Haley.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Their o-line sucks terrible sack.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Eugene Monroe eats children and blocks like it’s his job… And it will be.
4. Seattle Seahawks – Michael Crabtree – WR – Texas Tech
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Seahawks won’t be happy with the fact that both tackles are gone, and they go best player available with Crabtree.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They should consider Stafford if they like him, but Mora wants to win now and if #8 stays healthy they should not need a QB for a few years.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I don’t care what Crabtree’s 40 time or vertical is, the kid can flat get open and go get the football.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]This almost immediately gives the Seahawks one of the best WR corps in the league.
5. Cleveland Browns – Matthew Stafford – QB – Georgia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]My guess is that they trade Quinn or Anderson, and Mangini would love to draft his own QB of the future here with Stafford… The Brett Favre comparisons will drive him absolutely crazy.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I’m not totally sold on Stafford, but he has serious upside and given the right situation he can certainly develop into a quality QB.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]DO NOT TRADE BRAYLON EDWARDS YOU MORONS.
6, Cincinnati Bengals – B.J. Raji – DT – Boston College
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I don’t love Raji, but their pass D has developed nicely and they have to start stuffing the run.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They should not draft Andre Smith because they need CHARACTER players, not lazy fat *******s with D cups.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Marvin Lewis is on the hot seat because he has not fulfilled his promises on defense, this would bring Cincy one piece closer on D… They aren’t as far away as you think
7. Oakland Raiders – Brian Orakpo – DE – Texas
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They love Maclin and Heyward – Bey because Al Davis gets a hard on for every fast guy, but they need a pass rush in the worst way.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Believe it or not, WR is one of few glaring offensive needs for the Raiders and they can pick up a burner in a later round… Johnnie Lee Higgins is actually pretty good too.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Derrick Burgess is getting old and this kid has a similar skill set… Very nice player if developed properly.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars – Malcolm Jenkins – DB – Ohio State
-[FONT="] [/FONT]How do you build a defense? You need run stoppers, pass rushers, and cover guys. They have Henderson in the middle to stuff the run, Harvey and Groves on the outside to rush the passer, and now they need to bolster the secondary to help out Rashean Mathis and Reggie Nelson.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Their offense? Well, that’s another story entirely… Yeesh.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They could go in a few different directions here, but Del Rio wants to bring the D back to prominence.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Jenkins can play corner or safety and the Jags need both.
9. Green Bay Packers – Tyson Jackson – DE – LSU
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Is this a reach? According to most, yes, but not if you ask me.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tyson Jackson is a prototypical 3-4 end, of which they have none, of which they need a few.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Can Everette Brown OR Aaron Maybin play OLB in a 3-4? Ehhhhh…
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tyson Jackson is a versatile playmaker who can help immediately, especially in this scheme.
10. San Fransisco 49ers – Darrius Heyward-Bey – WR – Maryland
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They can go in MANY different directions here, but this is one of the worst WR corps in the league and DHB has it all as a prospect.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They consider the QB, the OLB, the OT, and even the CB but if they’re smart they’ll take one of the best prospects available that can help them the most in DHB.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Get Shaun Hill/Alex Smith/ ? some damn help.
11. Buffalo Bills – Brian Cushing – OLB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Last year, the Bills were solid defensively but they need playmakers.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Mitchell, Cushing, and Posluzny gives them a lot to build on.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They consider a couple of different avenues here, but Cushing gives them the playmaking ability and versatility that they need.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Bills are totally gay and Dick Juaron sucks at coach.
12. Denver Broncos – Rey Maualuga – ILB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They have nothing resembling a defensive presence, and Rey will provide that instantly.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They should probably consider a Beanie or Knoshown but they won’t because McDaniels does not run the ball.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I love Rey Maualuga as a prospect, he’s one of my favorite players in the draft. Anyone that can play the run, tackle, cover, bash the **** out of mother****ers the way he can and still have a sense of humor (see what he did to Erin Andrews on the sidelines) is the absolute man.
13. Washington Redskins – Everette Brown – DE – Florida St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They have less in the way of pass rush than Al Davis has in the way of sex appeal.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Brown is not a complete player yet, but he can be a situational pass rusher at the very least as he develops into a more full time player.
14. New Orleans Saints – Darius Butler – CB – Connecticut
-[FONT="] [/FONT]FORGET DRAFTING BEANIE AND IMPROVE THE ****TY DEFENSE!
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Darius Butler is better than the one dimensional workout warrior Vontae Davis.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]That’s all.
15. Houston Texans – Aaron Maybin – DE – Penn St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They’re very tempted by Maclin, but they have a very serious hole across from Mario Williams, and Aaron Maybin fits the profile as a compliment to Williams nicely.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Maybin probably needs a couple of years to develop into a full time player, but if he gets into the weight room and carries his muscle well, the sky is the limit for his pass rush ability.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]If the Texans play anything resembling consistent defense in ’09 we may very well be talking about a first time playoff appearance for Houston.
16. San Diego Chargers – Chris “Beanie” Wells – RB – Ohio St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I love LT, but he’s on the downside, and Sproles will never be a full time runningback.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Chargers would love to address defense in the first round, but if the draft plays out this way they should probably go with Beanie rather than reaching for a safety, linebacker, or D-lineman.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Again, Maclin probably tempts the Chargers but their receiver corps is too good to be taking one in round 1.
17. New York Jets – Jeremy Maclin – WR – Missouri
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Jets probably cream their pants instantly if this happens.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Admittedly, it’d be a difficult decision for the Jets to make if Maclin and Sanchez were still on the board here.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]In all likelihood, someone would probably trade up to land Sanchez if he lasted this long so it will probably be a dead issue on draft day.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I just don’t trust Sanchez because of how unbelievably sheltered he was at USC. He had a very talented supporting cast, and he played against some extremely untalented defenses. The loss to Oregon St. was really bad.
18. Denver Broncos – Mark Sanchez – QB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Broncos aught to go defense with every pick in their draft but they won’t and probably shouldn’t pass on Sanchez at #18.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They considered him at #12, but they land their man at #18.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Again, by this point someone will probably trade up for the Latin-American wonder boy so this is a very unlikely scenario.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Andre Smith – OT – Alabama
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I really don’t like this guy, but he’s a great value at #19.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Anyone who gets suspended for bowl games, skips out on the combine, has personality issues, and looks like he needs a bra to support his tremendous jugs concerns me deeply.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Bucs have had horrible issues along the offensive line for a few years now, and here they get a good chance to start building from the interior.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Worst case scenario, Smith will be able to kick inside to guard down the line if he does not pan out at tackle.
20. Detroit Lions – James Lauranitis – ILB – Ohio St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Reach? Maybe, but I think Lauranitis’ stock has fallen more because of a slow 40 time and sub-par workouts than any kind of on field issue.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Is there a team in the league more in need of a defensive stalwart?
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I have always been a Lauranitis fan, and I think you can stick him in the middle of your 4-3 defense and have a very good to potentially great all around player for years to come.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Lions get 2 strong foundations on offense and defense for years to come.
21. Philadelphia Eagles – Michael Oher – OT – Ole Miss
-[FONT="] [/FONT]When you lose your two long time starting tackles to free agency and injury, you should probably address that issue very early on in the draft.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]McNabb needs help in the way of playmakers desperately, and the Eagles will consider a receiver or Knowshon Moreno here, but Oher’s talent and the need for a tackle makes him the pick at #21.
22. Minnesota Vikings – Josh Freeman – QB – Kansas St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tarvaris Jackson? Gus Frerotte? John David Booty? Sage Rosenfels? CUT THE ****!
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Vikings bring in a quarterback with actual talent here at #22 and they finally have someone who they can bring along slowly and assimilate into the offense as the leader.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Freeman has issues, he’s raw, he didn’t play a whole lot of defensive competition and he didn’t play in an NFL offense.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]That being said, he’s big, he’s mobile, he’s got a cannon for an arm, and he did not have much help at Kansas St. at all.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Vikings are probably a good QB away from being a super bowl contender, and they should address the QB issue before their window closes.
23. New England Patriots – Sean Smith – DB – Utah
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Pats could go in a few different directions here including pass rusher, wide receiver and even running back.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They decide on Smith because Bill Belichick covets versatile and talented secondary players, and they have very serious problems in the secondary.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tom Brady plays with little boys’ genitals.
24. Atlanta Falcons – Brandon Pettigrew – TE – Oklahoma St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Martrez Milner is their starting tight end, and Pettigrew is a fantastically talented player.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]This pick is contingent upon a potential trade for Tony Gonzalez that has supposedly been close to happening.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Falcons would be lucky if Pettigrew falls this far, he is by far the best blocking tight end in the draft, and although he will not stretch the field vertically, Pettigrew gets open nicely and uses his strong hands and big frame to catch absolutely everything thrown in his direction.
25. Miami Dolphins – Hakeem Nicks – WR – North Carolina
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I will personally travel to Miami and slap Bill Parcells’ fat **** around if they do not pull the trigger on Nicks here.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Dolphins are in DESPERATE need of a playmaking wide receiver, and while Ted Ginn has some potential there are nothing but slot receivers behind him on the roster.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Guys like Larry English, Alphonso Smith, Vontae Davis, and Clay Matthews are tempting here, but the need for a receiver is too great and all of the good ones will be gone by the time the Fins pick in the 2nd round.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Hakeem Nicks will be at best Anquan Boldin and at worst Marty Booker, I love this kid and I’m rooting for him to become a Dolphin all the way.
26. Baltimore Ravens – Clint Sintim – OLB – Virginia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Sintim is a versatile linebacker that has experience in multiple types of defenses doing different things.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Excellent pass rusher who can also drop into coverage and lay the lumber.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Ravens have very little to write home about at the LB position apart from Ray Lewis who is very old, and they don’t know how long Suggs will be around.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]You can never have too many guys like Clint Sintim in Baltimore’s style of defense.
27. Indianapolis Colts – Clay Matthews – OLB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]For years, the Colts have been bringing in undersized linebackers that sometimes played safety in college, and always played like big ******* in the NFL.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]It’s about time they bring in a front 7 player with some versatility and some heart that can play the run on first down, cover when he needs to, and excel at rushing the passer. Clay Matthews fits the bill.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Stop drafting soft front 7 players.
28. Philadelphia Eagles – Kenny Britt – WR – Rutgers
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Knowshon gets heavy consideration here, but at the end of the day, Westbrook is still the man in the backfield and McNabb needs some big passing targets.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Jackson is developing and he has talent, but he is a huge ***** with questionable hands.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Britt can provide something that the Eagles need desperately, a big bodied playmaking receiver who can catch the ball in traffic and also get open down the field.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I wouldn’t be surprised if someone falls in love with Britt and takes him higher than this.
29. New York Giants – Percy Harvin – WR – Florida
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Plain and simple, the Giants one and only glaring need is at wide receiver, and they should probably just take the best wide-out available in the first round.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I think they would prefer to bring in the hometown boy from Rutgers in Britt, but they should be more than satisfied with the playmaking ability that Harvin brings to the table.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Harvin might be the most explosive player in the draft, he has the ability to blow by defenders, do great things with the ball in his hands after the catch, and even catch the ball out of the backfield.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Think Reggie Bush, only Harvin is not a huge ***.
30. Tennessee Titans – Larry English – DE/OLB – Northern Illinois
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Titans had an excellent defensive system under Jim Schwartz where they got a whole lot out of players who were not so great. Now, with the loss of Schwartz, and Albert Haynesworth, and players aging along the front line, it’s time to infuse the teeth of the defense with some youthful talent.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]With Vanden Bosch being a good all around player, and Jevon Kearse a stiff wind away from injury or retirement, English is a good versatile pass rushing option to bring in.
31. Arizona Cardinals – Knowshon Moreno – RB – Georgia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Finally Knowshon finds a landing spot.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Edge is old/useless and I find Tim Hightower to be unimpressive at best.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Knowshon gives the Cardinals a real versatile threat out of the backfield that really supplements an already powerful offense.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers – Eben Britton – OT – Arizona
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The reigning Super Bowl champs are not without their flaws as Roethlisberger had more guys in his face this season than Tera Patrick had sperm in her ass… That’s a lot of pressure.
[FONT="]Britton profiles more as a right tackle but he can be coached up and the Steelers need help at pretty much every offensive line position anyway.[/FONT]
In what must be considered to be television’s greatest and most captivating display of reality television, the NFL draft provides intrigue, mystery, drama, and more anticipation than an ultra-horny prom date. I love the draft more than life itself, and although that isn’t saying much because I hate life, I get amped up for the draft like Carlos Mencia gets excited to be utterly and completely un-funny… And he gets pretty damn pumped to do that.
At any rate, I don’t believe that anyone is surprised by the fact that the Lions are once again picking at the top of the draft. Although this is the first time the inept Lions have had the first overall pick since 1980, 2009 brings the astounding seventh top ten selection for the Lions in the past ten years… This is the fourth time they have picked in the top five since ’99 as well.
Welp, congrats on being ****ing pathetic Detroit! Not only does your city’s economy suck more balls than Freddy Mercury on **** - aphrodisiac heroin, but so does your football team! Now let’s get to the mock draft you baboons.
This year, since I’m smarter than 90% of all NFL GMs, I’ll be writing from the standpoint of what teams SHOULD be doing with their first round picks, not what I think they WILL do. This will probably cause me to be wrong most of the time with my pick predictions, but come back to me in 3-5 years and tell me whether or not I’m wrong about what these teams SHOULD have done. The last time I made a mock draft in 2006, I strongly suggested that the Titans draft Jay Cutler over the other two retarded quarterbacks (Leinart and Young) and I was laughed at. Not so funny now, douche bags.
1. Detroit Lions – Jason Smith – OT – Baylor
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I would not spend the top pick on either quarterback.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They need a left tackle like I need a job (pretty badly).
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Bill Parcells proves time and time again that you need to build your football team from the inside out.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Jason Smith = Beast.
2. St. Louis Rams – Aaron Curry – OLB – Wake Forest
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Their defense has been terrible for years, and Curry would give them a very solid LB corps with Witherspoon and Tinoisomoa.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Aaron Curry is widely considered to be the safest pick in the draft.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Coach Spaggs will love this versatile and fierce young asset.
3. Kansas City Chiefs – Eugene Monroe – OT – Virginia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Monroe and Chris Williams will bookend a potent offensive attack for Todd Haley.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Their o-line sucks terrible sack.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Eugene Monroe eats children and blocks like it’s his job… And it will be.
4. Seattle Seahawks – Michael Crabtree – WR – Texas Tech
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Seahawks won’t be happy with the fact that both tackles are gone, and they go best player available with Crabtree.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They should consider Stafford if they like him, but Mora wants to win now and if #8 stays healthy they should not need a QB for a few years.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I don’t care what Crabtree’s 40 time or vertical is, the kid can flat get open and go get the football.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]This almost immediately gives the Seahawks one of the best WR corps in the league.
5. Cleveland Browns – Matthew Stafford – QB – Georgia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]My guess is that they trade Quinn or Anderson, and Mangini would love to draft his own QB of the future here with Stafford… The Brett Favre comparisons will drive him absolutely crazy.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I’m not totally sold on Stafford, but he has serious upside and given the right situation he can certainly develop into a quality QB.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]DO NOT TRADE BRAYLON EDWARDS YOU MORONS.
6, Cincinnati Bengals – B.J. Raji – DT – Boston College
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I don’t love Raji, but their pass D has developed nicely and they have to start stuffing the run.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They should not draft Andre Smith because they need CHARACTER players, not lazy fat *******s with D cups.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Marvin Lewis is on the hot seat because he has not fulfilled his promises on defense, this would bring Cincy one piece closer on D… They aren’t as far away as you think
7. Oakland Raiders – Brian Orakpo – DE – Texas
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They love Maclin and Heyward – Bey because Al Davis gets a hard on for every fast guy, but they need a pass rush in the worst way.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Believe it or not, WR is one of few glaring offensive needs for the Raiders and they can pick up a burner in a later round… Johnnie Lee Higgins is actually pretty good too.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Derrick Burgess is getting old and this kid has a similar skill set… Very nice player if developed properly.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars – Malcolm Jenkins – DB – Ohio State
-[FONT="] [/FONT]How do you build a defense? You need run stoppers, pass rushers, and cover guys. They have Henderson in the middle to stuff the run, Harvey and Groves on the outside to rush the passer, and now they need to bolster the secondary to help out Rashean Mathis and Reggie Nelson.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Their offense? Well, that’s another story entirely… Yeesh.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They could go in a few different directions here, but Del Rio wants to bring the D back to prominence.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Jenkins can play corner or safety and the Jags need both.
9. Green Bay Packers – Tyson Jackson – DE – LSU
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Is this a reach? According to most, yes, but not if you ask me.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tyson Jackson is a prototypical 3-4 end, of which they have none, of which they need a few.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Can Everette Brown OR Aaron Maybin play OLB in a 3-4? Ehhhhh…
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tyson Jackson is a versatile playmaker who can help immediately, especially in this scheme.
10. San Fransisco 49ers – Darrius Heyward-Bey – WR – Maryland
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They can go in MANY different directions here, but this is one of the worst WR corps in the league and DHB has it all as a prospect.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They consider the QB, the OLB, the OT, and even the CB but if they’re smart they’ll take one of the best prospects available that can help them the most in DHB.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Get Shaun Hill/Alex Smith/ ? some damn help.
11. Buffalo Bills – Brian Cushing – OLB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Last year, the Bills were solid defensively but they need playmakers.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Mitchell, Cushing, and Posluzny gives them a lot to build on.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They consider a couple of different avenues here, but Cushing gives them the playmaking ability and versatility that they need.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Bills are totally gay and Dick Juaron sucks at coach.
12. Denver Broncos – Rey Maualuga – ILB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They have nothing resembling a defensive presence, and Rey will provide that instantly.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They should probably consider a Beanie or Knoshown but they won’t because McDaniels does not run the ball.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I love Rey Maualuga as a prospect, he’s one of my favorite players in the draft. Anyone that can play the run, tackle, cover, bash the **** out of mother****ers the way he can and still have a sense of humor (see what he did to Erin Andrews on the sidelines) is the absolute man.
13. Washington Redskins – Everette Brown – DE – Florida St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They have less in the way of pass rush than Al Davis has in the way of sex appeal.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Brown is not a complete player yet, but he can be a situational pass rusher at the very least as he develops into a more full time player.
14. New Orleans Saints – Darius Butler – CB – Connecticut
-[FONT="] [/FONT]FORGET DRAFTING BEANIE AND IMPROVE THE ****TY DEFENSE!
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Darius Butler is better than the one dimensional workout warrior Vontae Davis.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]That’s all.
15. Houston Texans – Aaron Maybin – DE – Penn St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They’re very tempted by Maclin, but they have a very serious hole across from Mario Williams, and Aaron Maybin fits the profile as a compliment to Williams nicely.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Maybin probably needs a couple of years to develop into a full time player, but if he gets into the weight room and carries his muscle well, the sky is the limit for his pass rush ability.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]If the Texans play anything resembling consistent defense in ’09 we may very well be talking about a first time playoff appearance for Houston.
16. San Diego Chargers – Chris “Beanie” Wells – RB – Ohio St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I love LT, but he’s on the downside, and Sproles will never be a full time runningback.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Chargers would love to address defense in the first round, but if the draft plays out this way they should probably go with Beanie rather than reaching for a safety, linebacker, or D-lineman.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Again, Maclin probably tempts the Chargers but their receiver corps is too good to be taking one in round 1.
17. New York Jets – Jeremy Maclin – WR – Missouri
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Jets probably cream their pants instantly if this happens.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Admittedly, it’d be a difficult decision for the Jets to make if Maclin and Sanchez were still on the board here.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]In all likelihood, someone would probably trade up to land Sanchez if he lasted this long so it will probably be a dead issue on draft day.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I just don’t trust Sanchez because of how unbelievably sheltered he was at USC. He had a very talented supporting cast, and he played against some extremely untalented defenses. The loss to Oregon St. was really bad.
18. Denver Broncos – Mark Sanchez – QB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Broncos aught to go defense with every pick in their draft but they won’t and probably shouldn’t pass on Sanchez at #18.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They considered him at #12, but they land their man at #18.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Again, by this point someone will probably trade up for the Latin-American wonder boy so this is a very unlikely scenario.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Andre Smith – OT – Alabama
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I really don’t like this guy, but he’s a great value at #19.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Anyone who gets suspended for bowl games, skips out on the combine, has personality issues, and looks like he needs a bra to support his tremendous jugs concerns me deeply.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Bucs have had horrible issues along the offensive line for a few years now, and here they get a good chance to start building from the interior.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Worst case scenario, Smith will be able to kick inside to guard down the line if he does not pan out at tackle.
20. Detroit Lions – James Lauranitis – ILB – Ohio St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Reach? Maybe, but I think Lauranitis’ stock has fallen more because of a slow 40 time and sub-par workouts than any kind of on field issue.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Is there a team in the league more in need of a defensive stalwart?
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I have always been a Lauranitis fan, and I think you can stick him in the middle of your 4-3 defense and have a very good to potentially great all around player for years to come.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Lions get 2 strong foundations on offense and defense for years to come.
21. Philadelphia Eagles – Michael Oher – OT – Ole Miss
-[FONT="] [/FONT]When you lose your two long time starting tackles to free agency and injury, you should probably address that issue very early on in the draft.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]McNabb needs help in the way of playmakers desperately, and the Eagles will consider a receiver or Knowshon Moreno here, but Oher’s talent and the need for a tackle makes him the pick at #21.
22. Minnesota Vikings – Josh Freeman – QB – Kansas St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tarvaris Jackson? Gus Frerotte? John David Booty? Sage Rosenfels? CUT THE ****!
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Vikings bring in a quarterback with actual talent here at #22 and they finally have someone who they can bring along slowly and assimilate into the offense as the leader.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Freeman has issues, he’s raw, he didn’t play a whole lot of defensive competition and he didn’t play in an NFL offense.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]That being said, he’s big, he’s mobile, he’s got a cannon for an arm, and he did not have much help at Kansas St. at all.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Vikings are probably a good QB away from being a super bowl contender, and they should address the QB issue before their window closes.
23. New England Patriots – Sean Smith – DB – Utah
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Pats could go in a few different directions here including pass rusher, wide receiver and even running back.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]They decide on Smith because Bill Belichick covets versatile and talented secondary players, and they have very serious problems in the secondary.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Tom Brady plays with little boys’ genitals.
24. Atlanta Falcons – Brandon Pettigrew – TE – Oklahoma St.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Martrez Milner is their starting tight end, and Pettigrew is a fantastically talented player.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]This pick is contingent upon a potential trade for Tony Gonzalez that has supposedly been close to happening.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Falcons would be lucky if Pettigrew falls this far, he is by far the best blocking tight end in the draft, and although he will not stretch the field vertically, Pettigrew gets open nicely and uses his strong hands and big frame to catch absolutely everything thrown in his direction.
25. Miami Dolphins – Hakeem Nicks – WR – North Carolina
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I will personally travel to Miami and slap Bill Parcells’ fat **** around if they do not pull the trigger on Nicks here.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Dolphins are in DESPERATE need of a playmaking wide receiver, and while Ted Ginn has some potential there are nothing but slot receivers behind him on the roster.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Guys like Larry English, Alphonso Smith, Vontae Davis, and Clay Matthews are tempting here, but the need for a receiver is too great and all of the good ones will be gone by the time the Fins pick in the 2nd round.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Hakeem Nicks will be at best Anquan Boldin and at worst Marty Booker, I love this kid and I’m rooting for him to become a Dolphin all the way.
26. Baltimore Ravens – Clint Sintim – OLB – Virginia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Sintim is a versatile linebacker that has experience in multiple types of defenses doing different things.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Excellent pass rusher who can also drop into coverage and lay the lumber.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Ravens have very little to write home about at the LB position apart from Ray Lewis who is very old, and they don’t know how long Suggs will be around.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]You can never have too many guys like Clint Sintim in Baltimore’s style of defense.
27. Indianapolis Colts – Clay Matthews – OLB – USC
-[FONT="] [/FONT]For years, the Colts have been bringing in undersized linebackers that sometimes played safety in college, and always played like big ******* in the NFL.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]It’s about time they bring in a front 7 player with some versatility and some heart that can play the run on first down, cover when he needs to, and excel at rushing the passer. Clay Matthews fits the bill.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Stop drafting soft front 7 players.
28. Philadelphia Eagles – Kenny Britt – WR – Rutgers
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Knowshon gets heavy consideration here, but at the end of the day, Westbrook is still the man in the backfield and McNabb needs some big passing targets.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Jackson is developing and he has talent, but he is a huge ***** with questionable hands.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Britt can provide something that the Eagles need desperately, a big bodied playmaking receiver who can catch the ball in traffic and also get open down the field.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I wouldn’t be surprised if someone falls in love with Britt and takes him higher than this.
29. New York Giants – Percy Harvin – WR – Florida
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Plain and simple, the Giants one and only glaring need is at wide receiver, and they should probably just take the best wide-out available in the first round.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]I think they would prefer to bring in the hometown boy from Rutgers in Britt, but they should be more than satisfied with the playmaking ability that Harvin brings to the table.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Harvin might be the most explosive player in the draft, he has the ability to blow by defenders, do great things with the ball in his hands after the catch, and even catch the ball out of the backfield.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Think Reggie Bush, only Harvin is not a huge ***.
30. Tennessee Titans – Larry English – DE/OLB – Northern Illinois
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The Titans had an excellent defensive system under Jim Schwartz where they got a whole lot out of players who were not so great. Now, with the loss of Schwartz, and Albert Haynesworth, and players aging along the front line, it’s time to infuse the teeth of the defense with some youthful talent.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]With Vanden Bosch being a good all around player, and Jevon Kearse a stiff wind away from injury or retirement, English is a good versatile pass rushing option to bring in.
31. Arizona Cardinals – Knowshon Moreno – RB – Georgia
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Finally Knowshon finds a landing spot.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Edge is old/useless and I find Tim Hightower to be unimpressive at best.
-[FONT="] [/FONT]Knowshon gives the Cardinals a real versatile threat out of the backfield that really supplements an already powerful offense.
32. Pittsburgh Steelers – Eben Britton – OT – Arizona
-[FONT="] [/FONT]The reigning Super Bowl champs are not without their flaws as Roethlisberger had more guys in his face this season than Tera Patrick had sperm in her ass… That’s a lot of pressure.
[FONT="]Britton profiles more as a right tackle but he can be coached up and the Steelers need help at pretty much every offensive line position anyway.[/FONT]