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Football related stored from the Asc. Press


Crank Yanker
Sep 4, 2001
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Inside your head
Here's a few football related stories at a crazy site devoted to idiots.:lol:

DeKalb Illinois)--Tackling Dummies--A Northern Illinois University football coach is facing misdemeanor charges stemming from a recent practice...after ordering his team to 'attack' a marching band. In preparation for a drum and bugle corps competition, the school signed a usage contract for the football field. Not being able to practice on the field apparently upset the coach. After bullying a few bands to practice in the end zone, one bandleader declared they had rented the entire they were going to use it. The band leader moved several cones out of the way and continued working with his band on march formation drills. This so enraged the football coach, he told his team "sic 'em." Two musicians were injured in the fray. Besides the coach, one player is also facing assault charges.

Waukesha Wisconsin)--Hard Core Football Fans--What insiders are calling a "wild brawl" in the county jail started with one inmate dumping out another's "hooch," fearing the illegal liquor would be discovered...and guards would pull the plug on the television during the Super Bowl. The inmate whose booze was dumped responded by jerking the power cord out of the back of the cell's TV set. Correctional officers say that's when the fight started. A spokesman says a search of cells did not turn up anything out of the ordinary...including anything remotely resembling a homemade distilling device. Inmates who were not involved in the fight (and subsequent lock-down) were able to repair the TV...just in time for the second-half kickoff.

(Saint Petersburg Florida)--Bad Call By Coach--A football coach has been penalized...after supervising a beer keg party to help celebrate a student's sixteenth birthday. Officials say one teenage party-goer drank so much liquor she had to be hospitalized for three days due to alcohol poisoning...and was found passed-out on the floor when they arrived. When students came to him to tell him about the fifteen year-old's condition, he reportedly told them to feed the girl some bread to help absorb the alcohol. When law enforcement arrived, the coach joined students fleeing the hide in a nearby thicket of trees...telling one student "I don't need this right now."

(Springfield Missouri)--Go Psychos!--A new local minor league football team had some troubles from the time they announced their name...the Psychos. The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill complained long and loud as soon as they heard about the team. A huge public outcry sent team management into a closed-door meeting to come up with a less politically-incorrect name.

Idiots, right?

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