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Funniest post of the day - Official Thread

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Celtkin

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Pick out your favorite thread or post of the day and post it here. I will follow this intro with a couple of examples reported in the staff forum

NOTE: Credit mainly goes to Muck. He seems to find the gems
 
Quote:
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td class="alt2" style="border: 1px inset ;"> Originally Posted by Nappy Roots
Quote:
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td class="alt2" style="border: 1px inset ;"> New York police shot and killed an armed teenager after chasing him into a building lobby last night (December 13).

According to the Associated Press, 19 year-old Timur Person was standing with a group of men on Walton Avenue in the Bronx around 8 p.m. when four officers in a marked vehicle approached them. While the others escaped, Person was chased into the lobby, where he tussled with the police before he was shot.

Hector Suarez, who witnessed the shooting, claims that he heard police tell Person to let go of his weapon, and Person responded, "I'm giving you the gun," prior to being shot.

Witnesses reported that at least one officer shot Person at close range.
"He stood over his head and he just looked down at him and he just shot four times, one, two, three, four," Suarez said.

Person, who had a loaded .38-caliber semiautomatic and an extra clip in his possession, was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital.

Person's shooting marks the city's first fatal police shooting since officers killed Sean Bell on his wedding day last month in a barrage of 50 bullets.
Bell, 23, was leaving his bachelor party at a Queens topless bar on November 25 when five officers fired on his car, killing him and wounding two unarmed passengers.

Community leaders like Al Sharpton and New York bred rappers, including Papoose and Nas, have all expressed outrage at the shooting. The officers are currently on paid administrative leave as prosecutors weigh possible criminal charges against them. </td> </tr> </tbody></table>
what a ****in shame.


NYPD is mostly just peices of **** with the law to carry and shoot a gun.
</td> </tr> </tbody></table>
Quote:
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td class="alt2" style="border: 1px inset ;"> Originally Posted by HysterikiLL
I feelz you holmes. We gangstas gotta stay together, stay tough, nah mean. It's hard out thurr fr a thug, nah mean. **** these po-po's, these 5-0. Man, these dudes shot Rico, **** them, nah mean. RIP man, we holdin' this down BRADENTON BABY!!

clear.gif

</td> </tr> </tbody></table>

 
Dom's girlfriend left him. He's trying not to call her. The Mor offers words of wisdom.

Quote:
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tbody><tr> <td class="alt2" style="border: 1px inset ;"> Originally Posted by mor911
Dom... Listen to The Mor.

Call her up.

Speak the following words...

"Baby... I know we have our differences. All I want to do... Is dip them nuts."

She'll ask what that means. You then take her to your bed (or visit hers), look her in the eye. Move her to the edge of the bed (so her head is hanging off the edge). Hold her head so that you support her neck. Look her in the eye. Remove your pants. While still holding her head aloft, stradle her head. While never leaving eye contact, slowly and gently lower your balls into her mouth.

Congrats Dom... You've just dipped them nuts. Problem solved.

Disclaimer: I just got back from the club and I'm drunk. Please don't ban me.

:mor911:
</td> </tr> </tbody></table>
 
Byroan reported this one:

In the Caught my roomie whacking it thread.

mor911 said:
Dude.. You're over reacting. You have two options in my opinion:

1. Confront him. Tell him how you feel. Don't be a baby about it. He was just rubbing one out... cut him some slack.

2. Turn it into a teamwork-building excersise. Instead of **** talking him, join him. Make it you guys' special time together. Swap porn, cheer each other on, and even do each other. Make you friendship stronger with team jerking off.

:mor911:
Click to expand...
 
Mindwarp said:
lol why do I feel this will turn into a mor911 thread.. btw.. The Mor is a premi
Click to expand...
:yes:
The Mor freaking kills me, but that Hysterkill response was priceless.

There has to be a few Dominizzo quotes to will fit the bill, even if they are unintentional.
 
...and speaking of the mor and Timewarp...

Mindwarp -- A touching story of a pirate that lost weight
The Mor is about to tell everyone a story that some people may not want you to hear. It's about a close friend of mine named Mindwarp.

Mindwarp was born in 1979 by the name of Mindiculous Warpapotomus. When he reached the tender age of 12, the teasing in the lovely neighborhoods of Carol City were too much... So he changed his name to the person you all know today as Mindwarp.

Becuase he had such a rough time in schools of the ghetto, Mindwarp developed a bad case of insanity. From ages 13 to 21, Mindwarp was held in 37 different mental institutions including the famous Arkham Assylum. At the age of 21, Mindwarp found a cure for his craziness... Food.

When institutionalized in Arkham, Mindwarp made a deal with a phsycotic surgeon and had 6 extra stomachs inserted into his body. Mindwarp then gained the ability to eat an uncanny amount of food. Food help sooth his crumbling mind. Food also made him a fatass. This is an old photo of Mindwarp taken back in 2000:



He used his skills to join FinHeathen on a pirate ship pilaging cities across the globe. Eating more and more as they sailed.

In July of 2003 Mindwarp suffered from a massive fart attack that ruptured one of his stomachs, and the outer lining of his anal area. Doctors thought he may never be able to eat more that 3 turkeys again... Mindwarp was devastated.

He then vowed to go on a diet, quit the pirating biz, and work in the Web hosting business. He did just that. Loosing over 485 lbs Mindwarp turned into the success story of a blob he is today. This is a salute to Mindwarp.. And too all you other fatasses, you can do it!

In the end, doctors were able to save both Mindwarps anal area and his 7th stomach. But these days he limits his lunch trips to 4 valuemeals max.

http://norealnews.com/fins/mindwarp.jpg



This story was brought to you by Morwarp.com and sponsored by D-day's whores inc.
Click to expand...
 
Ha Ha ha, OMG that is some of the funniest **** I have read, where the **** do they think this stuff up. I am dying here I think I have brought an asthma attack from laughing so hard
 
I like a good joke as much as the next guy but perhaps the "funniest" could be the funniest Dolphin post otherwise perhaps this belongs in another forum? I acknowledge my sense of humor is different and that I'm an old guy but *********ion humor is not what I come to the premiuim page of Dolphin news to receive. Just my two cents.
 
Celtkin said:
Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by Nappy Roots
Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">New York police shot and killed an armed teenager after chasing him into a building lobby last night (December 13).

According to the Associated Press, 19 year-old Timur Person was standing with a group of men on Walton Avenue in the Bronx around 8 p.m. when four officers in a marked vehicle approached them. While the others escaped, Person was chased into the lobby, where he tussled with the police before he was shot.

Hector Suarez, who witnessed the shooting, claims that he heard police tell Person to let go of his weapon, and Person responded, "I'm giving you the gun," prior to being shot.

Witnesses reported that at least one officer shot Person at close range.
"He stood over his head and he just looked down at him and he just shot four times, one, two, three, four," Suarez said.

Person, who had a loaded .38-caliber semiautomatic and an extra clip in his possession, was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital.

Person's shooting marks the city's first fatal police shooting since officers killed Sean Bell on his wedding day last month in a barrage of 50 bullets.
Bell, 23, was leaving his bachelor party at a Queens topless bar on November 25 when five officers fired on his car, killing him and wounding two unarmed passengers.

Community leaders like Al Sharpton and New York bred rappers, including Papoose and Nas, have all expressed outrage at the shooting. The officers are currently on paid administrative leave as prosecutors weigh possible criminal charges against them.
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
what a ****in shame.


NYPD is mostly just peices of **** with the law to carry and shoot a gun.</I>

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by HysterikiLL
I feelz you holmes. We gangstas gotta stay together, stay tough, nah mean. It's hard out thurr fr a thug, nah mean. **** these po-po's, these 5-0. Man, these dudes shot Rico, **** them, nah mean. RIP man, we holdin' this down BRADENTON BABY!!

http://www.thehomeboy.com/img/mcsneer.jpg

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Click to expand...

I was in that thread, it got kind of hot for a while, some people could not show common sense.
 
<TABLE width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD width="90%">Dominizzo's new Girlfriend



</TD><TD align=right width="10%"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>



<HR style="COLOR: #000000" SIZE=1>Here she is!!! Vanessa!!!

shes So sweeet!!1 She loves Miami Dolphins!!! I made her like em!! im 26 shes 20!! Fresh Meat for Dominizzzo

Thoughts?\



<TABLE width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD width="90%">Dominizzo's new Girlfriend



</TD><TD align=right width="10%"></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><HR style="COLOR: #000000" SIZE=1>FIns N canes Seriousy ... i wanna ask you a question.


Do you do the mattie or do you like boys..

Why all the harrasing on Dominizzo!! i finally found someone I love!!






<TABLE class=tborder id=post1061726752 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #000000 0px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #000000 0px solid" width=175>Ronnie23Brown




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Age: 26
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Donate




<LEGEND>





</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_1061726752>It's a Wedding



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


<TABLE class=tborder id=post1061728337 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #000000 0px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #000000 0px solid" width=175>DrAstroZoom<SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_1061728337", true); </SCRIPT>
No more gin and tonic

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<LEGEND>





</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_1061728337>Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by dominizzo
It's a Wedding



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Ummm, Dom ... I love you, and I was totally believing you. But if it's a wedding, why is the picture file called http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/4653/alessprom0043vf.jpg



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>



<TABLE class=tborder id=post1061729134 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #000000 0px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #000000 0px solid" width=175>greatwade<SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_1061729134", true); </SCRIPT>
Grammar Cracker




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<LEGEND>





</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_1061729134>I knew that was a prom dress in the first pic.
Dommy baby, you could have come forth and said, it was an
older picture of her. But the "wedding" comment....damn dude, sup?



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


<TABLE class=tborder id=post1061730047 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #000000 0px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #000000 0px solid" width=175>NaboCane<SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_1061730047", true); </SCRIPT>
I'm on my comma...period.




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Miami_Dolphins.gif
Miami.gif


<LEGEND>





</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_1061730047>Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by dominizzo
Im gonnna prove it sooon enufff



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Dom...you're the man. Why'd you have to fib about the photo? :wink:

C'mon, post a pic of you feeding her your tongue down her throat like a mother-bird feeds puke to her hatchlings. That'll shut 'em up!



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>


<TABLE class=tborder id=post1061730162 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-TOP: #000000 0px solid; BORDER-LEFT: #000000 1px solid; BORDER-BOTTOM: #000000 0px solid" width=175>NJFINSFAN1<SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_1061730162", true); </SCRIPT>
Premium Member




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New_York_Mets.gif
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<LEGEND>





</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_1061730162>Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by NaboCane
Dom...you're the man. Why'd you have to fib about the photo? :wink:

C'mon, post a pic of you feeding her your tongue down her throat like a mother-bird feeds puke to her hatchlings. That'll shut 'em up!



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

Man he is going to have to pay his sister a lot for that!:rolleyes2



</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>



This is only a bit, the whole thread is just to dam funny!
http://www.finheaven.com/boardvb2/showthread.php?t=180376
 
Jt complains about his new found gambling addiction

Jt0323 said:
hopefully i get more once the colts destroy the bears! if they lose i need to go to gambling anonymous! my mom gave me 2 phin bucks to buy some milk and i just gambled it away :(
Click to expand...
 
we need a joke thread but Ima not gunna create it;

THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER!

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day, and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws, you gotta love this!!!!

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

AMERICA, THE HOME OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
 
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