Thank you Joe Philbin for your time here. Your contributions to this franchise will not be forgotten by the likes of many, including:
- Trading Brandon Marshall for 2 sacks of **** and a tennis ball, then standing around on Hard Knocks and talking about how bad your receivers were that you may as well play "pin the tail on the donkey" to figure out who makes the team.
- Trading your best defensive back for another two bags of **** because he had a small bladder. The kid only led the team in takeaways the 3 years he was here. I guess coming to camp out of shape is such a rarity for a 23 year old - he was never going to bounce back.
- Letting Davone Bess know his shoelace was untied - he could have tripped and really hurt himslef
- Turning our O-Line into the laughing stock of the NFL
- Turning Ndomakong Suh into "Susie Q"
- Stashing Rishard Matthews on the practice squad for 4 years so that no other team would notice how good he was - that was truly brilliant! And then playing him in his contract year and letting him ball - that was equally brilliant
- Getting into a fight w Jared Odrick on the sideline - he really looked like he respected you there. You stared him down something fierce
- Taking like 6 weeks to decide if Kevin Coyle should come back after last year - glad you guys worked it out and figured out what was wrong w the defense. Good job.
- Coaching up all the guys we let go that now play well on other teams - way to get them ready for the rest of their NFL careers
- Calling time out on 4th and 11 after 3 straight hits and a sack on Aaron Rodgers + fumble w GB out of timeouts and scrambling around just to get a play off. Awesome coaching - you ****ing idiot.
- Taking a TO in the Jags game instead of a :10 runoff w :52 left in the half and 2 TOs. You ****ing loser idiot.
- Bringing in real difference makers this year like Greg Jennings
- Throwing Ritchie Incognito under the bus (literally) when as it turns out it was the other guy that was the perpetrator. You really won over the lockeroom w that move.
- Trading up to get Dana Thomas - not sure if that was you or Morono but I'll blame you for it anyway
- Not believing in running the football - like ever. Not carrying any big backs on the roster - like ever. Not being able to convert a short yardage situation - like ever. You get the point.
- Sticking w the worst kicker in franchise history 1 season too long
- Always carrying quality back up O-lineman like Fox, Brenner, etc in case your "quality" starters got hurt
- Not playing Billy Turner even though a couple of the guys playing in front of him grade out as the worst guards that ever put a jersey on
- Letting every ex Dolphin kick the living **** out of us when we play their new teams
- Being a man's man by dismantling the entire leadership council of players by cutting all of them after they spent the year telling you important stuff, like you know, what was going on in the locker room, how the players felt, what guys thought might work in the game plan. Very Stalin-esque of you actually - impressive.
- Signing Chad Johnson in the first place
- Handling the Mike Wallace situating like a career guidance counselor
- Letting Phyllis Wheeler see the field so much while he was here - I miss seeing his dreadlocks in pursuit of a TE or RB tearing down the middle of the field
- Congratulating the other team in your pressers and telling everyone "they deserved to win" - cause that made us all feel better
- Keeping the turf free of gum wrappers
- Retaining Dan Campbell when you took over the team :)
Finally, living up to that assertion you would be a "young Don Shula" - I'm sure one day the Fins brass will erect a statue of your clueless stupid face and place it next to Marino's outside the stadum.
- Trading Brandon Marshall for 2 sacks of **** and a tennis ball, then standing around on Hard Knocks and talking about how bad your receivers were that you may as well play "pin the tail on the donkey" to figure out who makes the team.
- Trading your best defensive back for another two bags of **** because he had a small bladder. The kid only led the team in takeaways the 3 years he was here. I guess coming to camp out of shape is such a rarity for a 23 year old - he was never going to bounce back.
- Letting Davone Bess know his shoelace was untied - he could have tripped and really hurt himslef
- Turning our O-Line into the laughing stock of the NFL
- Turning Ndomakong Suh into "Susie Q"
- Stashing Rishard Matthews on the practice squad for 4 years so that no other team would notice how good he was - that was truly brilliant! And then playing him in his contract year and letting him ball - that was equally brilliant
- Getting into a fight w Jared Odrick on the sideline - he really looked like he respected you there. You stared him down something fierce
- Taking like 6 weeks to decide if Kevin Coyle should come back after last year - glad you guys worked it out and figured out what was wrong w the defense. Good job.
- Coaching up all the guys we let go that now play well on other teams - way to get them ready for the rest of their NFL careers
- Calling time out on 4th and 11 after 3 straight hits and a sack on Aaron Rodgers + fumble w GB out of timeouts and scrambling around just to get a play off. Awesome coaching - you ****ing idiot.
- Taking a TO in the Jags game instead of a :10 runoff w :52 left in the half and 2 TOs. You ****ing loser idiot.
- Bringing in real difference makers this year like Greg Jennings
- Throwing Ritchie Incognito under the bus (literally) when as it turns out it was the other guy that was the perpetrator. You really won over the lockeroom w that move.
- Trading up to get Dana Thomas - not sure if that was you or Morono but I'll blame you for it anyway
- Not believing in running the football - like ever. Not carrying any big backs on the roster - like ever. Not being able to convert a short yardage situation - like ever. You get the point.
- Sticking w the worst kicker in franchise history 1 season too long
- Always carrying quality back up O-lineman like Fox, Brenner, etc in case your "quality" starters got hurt
- Not playing Billy Turner even though a couple of the guys playing in front of him grade out as the worst guards that ever put a jersey on
- Letting every ex Dolphin kick the living **** out of us when we play their new teams
- Being a man's man by dismantling the entire leadership council of players by cutting all of them after they spent the year telling you important stuff, like you know, what was going on in the locker room, how the players felt, what guys thought might work in the game plan. Very Stalin-esque of you actually - impressive.
- Signing Chad Johnson in the first place
- Handling the Mike Wallace situating like a career guidance counselor
- Letting Phyllis Wheeler see the field so much while he was here - I miss seeing his dreadlocks in pursuit of a TE or RB tearing down the middle of the field
- Congratulating the other team in your pressers and telling everyone "they deserved to win" - cause that made us all feel better
- Keeping the turf free of gum wrappers
- Retaining Dan Campbell when you took over the team :)
Finally, living up to that assertion you would be a "young Don Shula" - I'm sure one day the Fins brass will erect a statue of your clueless stupid face and place it next to Marino's outside the stadum.
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