MarinoEqualsGod
The man, the myth, the legend
Quote:
Originally Posted by onemanswarm
Never in the history of mankind has there lived a person quite like Don Shula. Moses may have been his equal as a leader of men, but historians contend that he lacked Shula's rugged good looks and chiseled buttocks. Mother Teresa was nearly as charitable, and she did boast the rugged looks. Unfortunately for downtrodden Indians of the 20th century, she, like Moses, lacked the good butt.
A defensive back from 1951-1957, Shula enjoyed a solid professional career. But to pass off a list of his cumulative statistics as somehow representative of the greatness of the man behind the impeccably square jaw would be irresponsible. To ignore the jaw, itself, utterly homophobic. Shula's true calling was as a coach, and it was in this arena that he shined like a thousand white hot suns. Or white sons. Depending on which you find hotter. For Shula, it is undoubtedly the former.
As a coach, Don Shula is peerless. And not in the sense that he has no friends. Because he does have friends. Lots of them. And most of them are way cooler than anyone you or I know. Peerless means that no other coach can be favorably compared to him. Next to to Don Shula, Tom Landry is a schoolmarm. Lombardi, a sissymaid. Ditka, a run-of-the-mill male prostitute. Actually, if you break down the numbers, Ditka is more like the trick who has to pay for sex from the run-of-the-mill male prostitute.
Why do you think Don Shula presently owns NFL records for most regular season wins (328) and most total victories (347)? It isn't just because he also holds the record for most games coached (526), or because he had at his disposal the man who ESPN named the Greatest White Athlete of All Time (G.W.A.A.T.) in one Daniel Constantine Marino. It is because to this day, the legacy of Don Shula continues to take the likes of a Mike Shanahan, bend his ego over the bed, and paddle it until it is almost as tender as his juicy steaks. Almost.
Don Shula: A True American Hero
Here's today's post on the Bear's message board with onemanswarm paying off his bet once again...
He truly is a literary genius
Originally Posted by onemanswarm
Never in the history of mankind has there lived a person quite like Don Shula. Moses may have been his equal as a leader of men, but historians contend that he lacked Shula's rugged good looks and chiseled buttocks. Mother Teresa was nearly as charitable, and she did boast the rugged looks. Unfortunately for downtrodden Indians of the 20th century, she, like Moses, lacked the good butt.
A defensive back from 1951-1957, Shula enjoyed a solid professional career. But to pass off a list of his cumulative statistics as somehow representative of the greatness of the man behind the impeccably square jaw would be irresponsible. To ignore the jaw, itself, utterly homophobic. Shula's true calling was as a coach, and it was in this arena that he shined like a thousand white hot suns. Or white sons. Depending on which you find hotter. For Shula, it is undoubtedly the former.
As a coach, Don Shula is peerless. And not in the sense that he has no friends. Because he does have friends. Lots of them. And most of them are way cooler than anyone you or I know. Peerless means that no other coach can be favorably compared to him. Next to to Don Shula, Tom Landry is a schoolmarm. Lombardi, a sissymaid. Ditka, a run-of-the-mill male prostitute. Actually, if you break down the numbers, Ditka is more like the trick who has to pay for sex from the run-of-the-mill male prostitute.
Why do you think Don Shula presently owns NFL records for most regular season wins (328) and most total victories (347)? It isn't just because he also holds the record for most games coached (526), or because he had at his disposal the man who ESPN named the Greatest White Athlete of All Time (G.W.A.A.T.) in one Daniel Constantine Marino. It is because to this day, the legacy of Don Shula continues to take the likes of a Mike Shanahan, bend his ego over the bed, and paddle it until it is almost as tender as his juicy steaks. Almost.
Don Shula: A True American Hero
Here's today's post on the Bear's message board with onemanswarm paying off his bet once again...
He truly is a literary genius
