Silverphin
Chairman of the 'Owned! Awards' Commitee
1). Zach Thomas is not undersized. He is actually compressed.
2). Jason Taylor is actually Jason Voorhes in disguise. He got bored of the "kill everyone who has pre-marital sex" thing and decided that killing QB's would actually be more profitable.
3). Keith Traylor is actually the fastest person on our team. During Dolphins' offensive series at home, Traylor was actually found at Shula's steakhouse.
4). Rick Speilman hung out with Bill Clinton on a weekend once. Problem is, while Clinton never inhaled, Speilman never EXhaled.
5). Director Michael Bay decided to forgo CGI to create meteoroids for the movie Armageddon, so paid Donnie Jones, in conjuction with NASA, to kick hundreds of footballs above the Earth's atmosphere months prior to shooting.
6). Ricky Williams never smoked drugs in his life. Herm Edwards, Bill Bellichick, and Mike Mularkey had NFL officials paid off so they can slip THC into Ricky's urine samples.
7). Rex Hadnot was given his first name when his doctor smacked him on the butt when he was born. Unfortunately, the doctor withdrew his hand after a huge piece was bitten from it.
8). The U.S. Army almost recruited Culpepper when they found out he can throw a missile across the entire length of Russia.
9). Channing Crowder talks fast so he can get away with subliminal messaging.
10). Jason Taylor was given the Defensive Player of The Year award since the Associated Press does not allow only one trophy to be given for simply the Player Of The Year.
11). Dan Marino found out he was a great QB when he hustle a bar full people in a game of darts.
12). Ronnie Brown is actually an autobot in disguise. He and LaDainian Tomlinson protect the east and west coast, respectively, from any Decepticon threat.
13). Vernon Carey sued IHOP for using his nickname "Internation House of Pancakes".
14). Mare was accurate in the past because of he always had a Playstation, and later, a Playstation 2, built into his body, with Madden always in the game slot. Unfortunately for us, in protest of the PS3's high price and Madden's latest quality... or lack there of, foregoed buying either one.
15). Randy Mueller makes great GM moves because he pays CKParrothead to do his work.
16). If one played Joey Harrington's post game interview after the Thanksgiving game backward one would hear Joey said "**** you Dre' Bly. And **** you Matt Millen. As a matter of fact, **** the Detroit Lions. That's you all won't win a Super Bowl".
17). The report of Matt Roth beating up a bunch of bouncers in a bar are totally false: They were actually Navy Seals.
18). One of Hudson Houck's former techniques in finding a good o-lineman is driving a bus full speed at him. He stopped practice after the 2006 draft when it became evident that only Alabi and Toledo survived.
19). Yeremiah Bell actually lived most of his life without a last name: He was given the name Bell after he rung the "bell" of an oppsoing player in a football game.
2). Jason Taylor is actually Jason Voorhes in disguise. He got bored of the "kill everyone who has pre-marital sex" thing and decided that killing QB's would actually be more profitable.
3). Keith Traylor is actually the fastest person on our team. During Dolphins' offensive series at home, Traylor was actually found at Shula's steakhouse.
4). Rick Speilman hung out with Bill Clinton on a weekend once. Problem is, while Clinton never inhaled, Speilman never EXhaled.
5). Director Michael Bay decided to forgo CGI to create meteoroids for the movie Armageddon, so paid Donnie Jones, in conjuction with NASA, to kick hundreds of footballs above the Earth's atmosphere months prior to shooting.
6). Ricky Williams never smoked drugs in his life. Herm Edwards, Bill Bellichick, and Mike Mularkey had NFL officials paid off so they can slip THC into Ricky's urine samples.
7). Rex Hadnot was given his first name when his doctor smacked him on the butt when he was born. Unfortunately, the doctor withdrew his hand after a huge piece was bitten from it.
8). The U.S. Army almost recruited Culpepper when they found out he can throw a missile across the entire length of Russia.
9). Channing Crowder talks fast so he can get away with subliminal messaging.
10). Jason Taylor was given the Defensive Player of The Year award since the Associated Press does not allow only one trophy to be given for simply the Player Of The Year.
11). Dan Marino found out he was a great QB when he hustle a bar full people in a game of darts.
12). Ronnie Brown is actually an autobot in disguise. He and LaDainian Tomlinson protect the east and west coast, respectively, from any Decepticon threat.
13). Vernon Carey sued IHOP for using his nickname "Internation House of Pancakes".
14). Mare was accurate in the past because of he always had a Playstation, and later, a Playstation 2, built into his body, with Madden always in the game slot. Unfortunately for us, in protest of the PS3's high price and Madden's latest quality... or lack there of, foregoed buying either one.
15). Randy Mueller makes great GM moves because he pays CKParrothead to do his work.
16). If one played Joey Harrington's post game interview after the Thanksgiving game backward one would hear Joey said "**** you Dre' Bly. And **** you Matt Millen. As a matter of fact, **** the Detroit Lions. That's you all won't win a Super Bowl".
17). The report of Matt Roth beating up a bunch of bouncers in a bar are totally false: They were actually Navy Seals.
18). One of Hudson Houck's former techniques in finding a good o-lineman is driving a bus full speed at him. He stopped practice after the 2006 draft when it became evident that only Alabi and Toledo survived.
19). Yeremiah Bell actually lived most of his life without a last name: He was given the name Bell after he rung the "bell" of an oppsoing player in a football game.
