In his fancy NY accent: "From a competitive standpoint....(10 seconds of intense gum chewing)....other than the three turnovahs, multiple fumbles, dropped passes, dropped interceptions, and ineffective return game, this team played lights out, man! Matt Mo'a did a heck of a jahb moving this team up and down the field like no one else's business! Defense had some mental blunders, but other than that...(multiple fist pumps)...hell of a jahb by those guys!
"Now there's ahbviously some things we've gotta take care of but I have no doubt this team will bounce back, ok. Now, I just think it's unfortunate that we haven't found a way to put a double-u on the boh'd at this point, but what do you want me to say? (15 seconds of shrugging and head shaking at the media). I don't care what you guys say, we've gotta get betta and we will find a way to do it...(10 more seconds of intense gum chewing)...aight?"