First act: Call Mularkey to my office and have him explain why I should not fire him. Then fire him anyway.
Second act: Put Welker and Harrington on the trade block.
Third act: Cut Vick.
Fourth act: In anticipation of a stunning loss to New England, hire Cam Cameron away from San Diego and the stigma of being unable to win a playoff game.
Fifth act: Tell Chambers that he has one season left to produce, or he's gone, even if it means eating salary cap penalties by cutting him. To ensure he can't claim the coaching staff is using him improperly in play designs, move him to the slot, where he's enjoyed the most success.
Sixth act: Publicly proclaim support for Culpepper. Tell the media and fans that if Miami drafts a QB in the 2007 draft, it will not be in the first round, and perhaps not even the first day, and it will be done only if there's a probability that we'll need a third QB on the roster.
Seventh act: Send Nick Saban season tickets, so he can personally watch the team he abandoned win game after game.